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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943574">Dance Like A Mother</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxii/pseuds/Daxii'>Daxii</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Babies, Breastfeeding, Drunk Sex, Educational, F/M, Fluff, Sick Fic, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregancy, babywearing, gallons of the stuff, hyperemisis gravidarum, lots of sick, personal fic, pregnancy fic, therapy fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:20:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943574</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxii/pseuds/Daxii</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“We can’t be the first people to be drunk and... out of control,” he says quietly, finally.<br/>“It’ll be fine, right? This doesn’t... change anything, does it?"<br/>“What?” Haru asks, and then thinks for a second. “Not unless you want it to.”</p><p>Gou misses her train home from Tokyo. Haru gives her a place to stay for the night, and some ice cream and vodka, because how else do you cheer up a miserable teenage girl?<br/>That was probably a pretty dumb idea.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matsuoka Gou/Nanase Haruka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. August</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So. I read a fic that had some pregnancy, and as a recently pregnant person, it just rubbed me so far up the wrong tree that we ended up here, with the most personal and technically accurate fic I think I could probably manage. And, because I've gone way over the top (AGAIN) I'm taking this down the path of a personal vent. This was my pregnancy. So all this sickness, all this mental mess, maybe the birth, or maybe she'll get the birth I should have fought for, we'll see, this was me. And it kinda screwed me up for a while. And I've talked about it, but I'm not a talker, at heart, my therapy is in writing. So I'm writing.<br/>(Although, the teen pregnancy is just a plot device, that's not me. I also don't have an Olympic swimmer baby daddy. He's a nerd who plays wow)<br/>Also, the medical side of this is gonna be based on my knowledge of UK stuff. So, no health insurance, no unnecessary diddling in the lady chapel, that kind of thing. And I might get a bit pushy trying to normalise things that I think should be normal, like homebirth and rear facing car seats and cloth nappies... but hey ho, we all have our passions.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">August</span> </strong>
</p><p>“Kou?” Haru asks, approaching her in the misty room, rapidly sobering up.</p><p>The lights are annoying and the smoke machine even more so, but Haru can recognise a Matsuoka anywhere.</p><p>“Haruka-senpai!” she squeaks, whirling around and <em>running</em> over to him.</p><p>A quick glance from where she’s come from tells him why. Guys he doesn’t know, guys definitely <em>not</em> part of the swim team social he’s been dragged out on, are throwing them looks. Looks that tell Haru he’s just ruined their fun, stolen their toy.</p><p>Haru’s ok with that. He’s confident that he’s got 40+ teammates here in this club who will back him up if it comes to it, even if he’d rather it didn’t.</p><p>“What are you doing here? I thought your train left hours ago?” Haru asks, arm around her shoulders now, leading her to somewhere quiet.</p><p>“I got separated from the others and just... thought I’d explore a little more and get the next one, and then... it all got a bit out of my control, and my phone’s dead, and... I was starting to get scared there for a minute.”</p><p>“Come back to mine,” Haru says easily, rubbing his hand up and down her back, like Makoto does when he’s trying to be comforting. “We can sort something out in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>He can smell the alcohol on her when they make it outside, and she stumbles a little when the chilly night air hits them. Haru’s tolerance for spirits is pretty limited anyway, but he can imagine Kou, who’s still only 17, probably isn’t even aware she’s drank to the point of being definitely drunk. So is he, more so than he’d really intended, but he’s guided home by something clawing at him from the inside. Worry, anger, a sort of rage he’s never really known before.</p><p>“Do you want anything to eat?” he asks, looking in the fridge. The light hurts. He grabs two bottles of water.</p><p>“No, thanks,” she slurs, sinking to the couch and leaning back. “I feel funny.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru nods. “Give me your phone. I’ll plug it in.”</p><p>She reaches into her top, apparently having stashed it in her bra, and wipes off some boob sweat on her jeans before handing it over.</p><p>Haru’s own phone has multiple missed calls. Nagisa, Rei, Nagisa, Rei, Makoto, Nagisa, Rin. He needs to turn it off silent. He calls Rin, and isn’t surprised that he answers immediately. Or that he’s been crying. Haru can tell from the hitch in his voice.</p><p>“‘Bout fucking time,” is his immediate snarl. “Have you heard from Gou? She didn’t come home on the train with everyone else, and we can’t get hold of her, Nagisa said she’s out of battery and-”</p><p>“She’s fine,” Haru says, and hears the sigh of relief, and Rin shouting to whatever room he’s in <em>she’s fine!</em> “I ran into her in town. She’s gonna spend the night at mine and I’ll find her a train in the morning.”</p><p>“God. Fuck. Thanks, Haru. We’ve been freaking out.”</p><p>“I can tell,” Haru says mildly.</p><p>“I can come and get her...” he starts to say.</p><p>“It’s like a four hour round trip,” Haru sighs. “You’d both just end up spending the night. I don’t have that kind of space.”</p><p>“Right. Your right. Sorry. Thanks. Can you put her on?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Haru hands over the phone to Kou, which maybe isn’t wise if she’s gonna slur or giggle or do something else obviously drunken, but Rin will only yell at him if he doesn’t, and he doesn’t want to deal with that, either. He leaves the room to give her a little privacy, taking her phone to his room to charge it and digging around for some guest supplies. He doesn’t have much. He usually stays at Makoto’s when they’re having an evening together, but there’s <em>probably</em> a toothbrush knocking around, and it’s warm enough that he can just manage with a blanket on the couch and give his bed to Kou.</p><p>At least, that’s his plan, until he hears footsteps behind him and the tell-tale Matsuoka <em>sniff</em> that tells him she’s about to charge into him with a hug and tears streaming down her face.</p><p>“Hey, don’t cry,” he says, awkwardly fitting his arms around her. “Everything’s ok, now.”</p><p>She hugs so tight that Haru’s off balance, and he manages to step back until the bed hits the back of his knees and he can sit them both down, although she’s mostly in his lap. He doesn’t know how to deal with this. Crying people are not his forte, even when it’s Makoto. And it’s a bit different with Kou. If it was Makoto or Rin having a bad day, they could drink too much and play some video games, or even just go for a really intense swim and everything would be a bit better.</p><p>“I can... put a movie on?” he suggests, and she nods into his neck, but doesn’t appear to be letting him up just yet.</p><p>Ok. He can cope. Just hug her, rub her back, stroke her hair. He’s sat through enough of Rin’s bullshit romance movies to follow the script. She leans back after a minute, shifting so she’s not sat on his legs, and looks up at him. He pushes the hair back from her face, and she’s not crying anymore.</p><p>“Hey,” he says again. “See, it’s not that bad. Calm down.”</p><p>“Do you have anything to drink?” she asks, and he’s surprised.</p><p>“Uh..? You don’t think you’ve had enough?”</p><p>“Might as well drink the memories away while I’m already halfway there,” she says, as dramatic as Rin when he’s thinking the same thing, and all he can do is sigh.</p><p>“Yeah. Alright,” it’s not like she’s going out again, and she’s safe enough here. And then, because she’s a Matsuoka who’s been crying. “I’ll go down to the store and get us some ice cream, too.”</p><p>“Thanks, Haruka-senpai,” she says, head leaning down on his shoulder. “You’re a good friend.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s the last thing Haru can clearly recall when he wakes the next morning and finds himself trapped in the bed by the weight of her on his chest. Things are hazy, after that, but there was vodka, and their legs tangling on the sofa, and her hair falling over his face, and that same burning passion he’s only felt when he’s been racing Rin.</p><p>And they’re naked, he realises now. <em>He</em> is, anyway, and from scanning the room and finding her clothes tossed over the floor, it’s easy to assume she is too.</p><p>“Shit,” he says quietly, and she stirs next to him, mostly nuzzling deeper into his hold. “Fuck.”</p><p>“Haru?” her voice is soft, like speaking hurts, and she’s apparently lost the formalities along with her clothes.</p><p>“Kou,” he says, and because he doesn’t know what else to say, “hi.”</p><p>“Is it... morning?” she asks. “Where am I?”</p><p>“Yeah. I think,” he’s not actually sure. “We’re in my apartment. In Tokyo. You stayed the night.”</p><p>“Oh,” she whispers. “Did we...?”</p><p>She sits up then, covering her breasts and looking around the room.</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru nods. “Looks like.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>She sniffles again, the Matsuoka cry, and Haru’s sort of braced to take it this time, but instead she turns away, putting her back to him as much as she can.</p><p>“That was my first time... and... and I don’t even <em>remember</em> it,” she spits.</p><p>“Same,” Haru says gently. “And, same. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t <em>apologise</em>!”</p><p>Haru doesn’t know what else <em>to</em> say, and so he says nothing, just lays there and waits for some sort of guidance, a sign maybe, or a straight up slap in the face from reality. He definitely deserves that last one.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I take a shower?” she whispers finally.</p><p>“Yeah. Sure.” Probably a good idea, if she feels anything as gross as Haru does. “Let me get you a towel.”</p><p>He gets out of bed, and if Kou hadn’t caught an accidental glimpse in the last couple of years when he’s been swimming, then she definitely had last night, so he’s not so bothered if she sees again. He’s never been bothered by nudity, not with his persistent stripping phase from high school. She’s not looking anyway, she’s looking nowhere but down at her hands in her lap.</p><p>He heads to the bathroom, setting the shower on to warm up for her and getting her a towel from the shelf. He thinks he should feel sick, but he doesn’t, just a bit numb.</p><p><em>So what now?</em> he thinks, when he’s back in his room and trying to fold Kou’s scattered clothes into a pile on the bed. <em>Breakfast, maybe?</em></p><p>He does eggs, just scrambled, and a glass of juice. He finishes his off and leave’s Kou’s plate under a bowl to stay warm. He hears her footsteps, padding from the bathroom and back to the bedroom, and goes to hover at the door, knocking once so he doesn’t startle her.</p><p>“I made you breakfast. I’m just gonna have a quick shower too, ok?”</p><p>“Right,” she calls back, and it’s harsh, cutting almost.</p><p>He’s fucked up. They’ve <em>both</em> fucked up, but he’s the adult here, he was looking after her, giving her a safe place to stay, and now she definitely hates him and Rin is going to <em>kill</em> him.</p><p> </p><p>She’s not touched her eggs, but the glass of juice is empty when Haru comes back to his main room, a standard issue student kitchen-diner-lounge affair. Haru refills it for her. She doesn’t look at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Kou-san,” he says, as honestly and earnestly as he can.</p><p>“<em>Don’t</em>,” she snaps. “It’s fine.”</p><p>“Fine?” Haru repeats.</p><p>All she does is nod.</p><p>It would probably be rude to just immediately set off escorting her to her train. She’ll probably want to talk, or something, about last night. Maybe they can both piece together the story. He gets himself another juice and joins her on the couch, where they’re surrounded by empty cans of coke, sloppy ice cream cartons, and Haru’s big bottle of birthday vodka, which had been full, now lying empty.</p><p>“It’s a mess,” he mutters, mostly to himself.</p><p>“Looks like a party happened here,” Kou muses, just the <em>tiniest</em> hint of a smile on her face. At least she’s not crying.</p><p>Haru cleans up quickly, sweeping the whole mess into a trash bag and hiding it by the front door. He’s still a bit of a loss for what to do, and considers texting someone who might be any good with <em>hey, had a one night stand with my bestfriend’s sister, what do I do? </em>advice. But who’s he gonna text? Makoto? Laughable. <em>Rin</em>? Nah, he’s already on borrowed time until he finds out as it is. Kisumi, maybe, he’s the most likely out of their little crew to have been in anything close to this situation before. He feels like he’d rather lose even more of his memory than ask <em>him</em> for help.</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t be the first people to be drunk and... out of control,” he says quietly, finally.</p><p>She sniffles again, but her whole posture is softer now, and she leans her head on his shoulder, just like last night.</p><p>“It’ll be fine, right? This doesn’t... change anything, does it?”</p><p>“What?” Haru asks, and then thinks for a second. “Not unless you want it to.”</p><p>“What’s <em>that</em> supposed to mean?”</p><p>“I took advantage of you,” Haru says simply. “You have every right to tell me to fuck off, report me to the police, send Rin round to skin me.”</p><p>“And what if I don’t want to do any of that?” she asks, looking up at him now, hand on his leg, concerned.</p><p>“Then... it’s fine. Nothing changes, I guess. If that’s what you want.”</p><p>“Is that what <em>you</em> want?”</p><p>Haru shrugs. He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s just glad she doesn’t seem to hate him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. September</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">September</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>Kou feels <em>sick</em>. Sick like she’s never felt before. Sick like she can’t even stand up. Sick like she never wants to eat again. She feels like sending Sousuke a bit of a teasing, angry text, since she ate at his place last night and clearly whatever he served her is actually trying to kil her. She’s so nauseous that even whatever Chigusa is eating at the desk next to her seems to smell so bad she wants to retch.</p><p>“You don’t look too hot,” Chigusa says, looking up.</p><p>“Think I had a bad curry,” she says, shaking her head. “Distract me.”</p><p>“Oh. Ok. <em>So</em> you haven’t told us yet what happened to you over summer, when we all went up to see Tachibana-senpai and Nanase-senpai. Where did you go? It was like you were right behind us and then you just disappeared.”</p><p>Ha<em>ha</em> well, Kou’s been trying <em>not</em> to think about what happened over summer, but that’s actually proven kinda difficult, considering all she can see whenever she’s alone and closes he eyes is <em>Haru</em> (and he’s <em>Haru</em> now, she’s not picked the <em>senpai</em> back up since she sort of dropped it in Tokyo. It seems meaningless, they should be equal, after all), and Haru’s leaning over her, she can see his eyes so <em>close</em> and they’re <em>kissing </em>and -</p><p>“Yeah, I just got a bit lost, I think, in the station. Haruka-senpai managed to find me, luck I guess, and I crashed at his and got the train the next day.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“That’s disappointing,” Chigusa sighs. “So no hot college boy swept you off your feet and stole your innocence?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Kou smiles, innocently.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“And you didn’t join a gang? Or get a weird tattoo?”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“No, not that either.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“I think I’m gonna be-”</p><p> </p><p>She goes home, after that, in her gym kit with her nasty uniform in a plastic bag, ready to just hand it over to her mum to deal with while she goes to bed to face her certain death by food poisoning. She curls up an closes her eyes, and of course, Haru’s there in her imagination, but she’s too weak and ruined to try and bat him away. She lets her mind wander, lets Haru does what he wants, or maybe <em>she?</em> it’s her imagination, right? wants him to.</p><p>Haru’s lying next to her, spooning into her, arms holding her close to his chest, kisses peppering at her hair. And it’s <em>so</em> unlike Haru, so absolutely out of his range of physical connection, but it feels nice, all the same. She <em>wants</em> him to hold her, and touch her, run his hands down her body and slip his fingers inside her-</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” she hisses, and leans over the side of the bed to aim into the bowl on the floor, yet again.</p><p>Her phone buzzes where it’s been abandoned, somewhere on her quilt.</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: How are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: Sick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: I think I need to get something off my chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: You have an cough now too? Like an infection?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: No. Like. Talk about something. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: Ok, go ahead. What are best friends for?</em>
</p><p>Well, she <em>is</em> her best girlfriend. And if it was Chigusa who’d suddenly and unexpectedly lost her virginity, Kou would be a little offended if she didn’t trust her enough to tell her.</p><p>
  <em>Kou: I slept with Haruka.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: Like, in his bed?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: No like... we had sex. At least I think we did. We were pretty drunk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: Omgomgomg why didn’t you <strong>say?!</strong></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: Because I was so drunk I don’t even remember it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: What was it like? Tell me everything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: I don’t remember.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: Wait. Is that why you’re sick? Are you pregnant? You used protection, right?</em>
</p><p>Um.</p><p>Uhhh...</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>
  <em>Kou: Probably?</em>
</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: .....</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: .....</em>
</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kou?” Haru looks at the screen before he picks up, but it would be pretty stupid of him to let it ring out, considering she hasn’t spoken to him at <em>all</em> since... since she stayed the night. Not even when Makoto added him into a group chat with her and sent her a bunch of pictures from that weekend.</p><p>“Hello?” he says, trying to sound normal.</p><p>“Haru... hi,” she sounds relieved, like he <em>wouldn’t</em> pick up.</p><p>“Are you ok?” he asks, because why else would she call? Is she lost again?</p><p>“Um. I just... had a question.”</p><p>“Oh?” huh?</p><p>“So that night,” and he hears her whisper something, something <em>fuck, should’ve texted instead</em>, “you... used a condom, right?”</p><p>“Oh,” Haru blinks, caught off guard. “Um. Not unless you brought one... not the kind of thing I keep around.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Are you ok?”</p><p>He hears something in the background again. Swearing, retching, and then a splatter.</p><p>“Kou?”</p><p>“Food poisoning,” she mumbles. “I just wanted to know.”</p><p>“Ok, then.” Haru says. “It was nice to hear from you.”</p><p>“Yeah. See you.”</p><p>“Bye.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kou: I’m gonna need a favour.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chigusa: Already on my way. </em>
</p><p>“It’s been three minutes,” Chigusa says, looking pointedly at the magazine on the bed that was covering The Stick.</p><p>“I can’t look.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick.</em>
</p><p>“Should<em> I</em> look?”</p><p>Kou nods, and watches her friend move the magazine to the side, and quickly looks away. She hears nothing, for a second, until Chigusa lets out a breath.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“Remind me what the results me, again?”</p><p>“One line for negative, two for positive. Just tell me it’s one.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick.</em>
</p><p>There’s a pause.</p><p>“It’s not one.”</p><p> </p><p>They hear Rin and Mum come home maybe half a second later, the front door clattering, and Chigusa scrambles to slip the stick back into the box and hide it under Kou’s quilt. There are footsteps, heavy ones, bounding up the stairs.</p><p>“So I heard my baby sister’s got some kind of horrible, parasitic disease,” Rin laughs, bursting into the room. “Want me to go and beat up Sousuke for you? Though, no one else got sick.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick.</em>
</p><p>“Ok, ew. I won’t tease. Do you need anything? I’ve got an online game with Mako and Haru later on, but right now you can boss me around all you like.”</p><p><em>Sick</em>.</p><p>“New bowl, maybe?” Chigusa suggests.</p><p>“<em>Only</em> because I love you. God, this is <em>disgusting</em>.”</p><p>Rin leaves the room then, but only for a moment to swiftly fetch a fresh bowl back and take the very <em>used</em> one away.</p><p>“Rin?” Kou calls then, voice suddenly caught and feeling her eyes prickle.</p><p>“Yeah? Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, reading her like a book, as he always has.</p><p>“Can you send Mum up? Tell her I need a word. A... girly word.”</p><p>Rin nods. “Yeah, alright. Anything else?”</p><p>Kou shakes her head, but it’s probably a stupid thing to do, considering even blinking sends her nausea overboard, but Rin is fast, whipping the bowl under her chin just in time.</p><p>“God, this is a bad bug, huh.”</p><p><em>Could say that</em>, Kou thinks. <em>Bug</em>. It’d be a cute little nickname, maybe, if she wasn’t seventeen, single, and absolutely <em>not</em> ready to look at The Stick and see for herself. She holds her hand to to Chigusa, who gets the hint pretty quickly, and hands over the box. She opens it slowly, but yup. There’s not one line, that’s definitely two. Dark as sharpie. Positively positive.</p><p>“Oh, Gou, one more,” the door swings open again, and Rin stops in his tracks, Miyako just a step behind him. “What’s that?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>It’s sort of funny, or ironic or... there’s probably a word, somewhere, Kou can’t think, that Haru had been so <em>worried</em> about Rin coming to rage at him just for finding out they had had sex. It’s almost like having sex isn’t even on Rin’s radar right now. His baby sister is pregnant, and somebody is going to <em>die</em> for this.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“Oh... Kou,” Miyako says, holding out her hand for Kou. “This is... a surprise. I didn’t know you were even seeing anyone.”</p><p>She’s gentle. Kou knew she would be gentle. She’s not upset, or disappointed. Or at least, not openly. This is probably the only good thing about this whole situation. She has the best mum ever, who will always support her, even when she screws up like <em>this</em>.</p><p>“I’m not,” she sniffs.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I’ll kill him,” Rin hisses, pacing over the other side of the room. “Just say the name. I’m there. He’s <em>dead</em>.”</p><p>“Calm <em>down</em>, Rin,” Miyako sighs. “You’re not helping.”</p><p>“I can <em>help</em>,” Rin spits, “by <em>skinning the dick</em> off whoever’s been <em>fucking with my sister</em>.”</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>“Stop it, Rin. Leave us girls to talk for a minute.”</p><p>“Fine. Kou. I love you, you know that, and whatever you want, I’ll do it. Just say. He’s dead.”</p><p>“<em>Rin</em>.”</p><p>They wait, just a minute, until Rin’s bedroom door slams shut, and Chigusa takes the liberty of closing Kou’s door too, just for that extra layer of privacy.</p><p>“It was an accident,” Kou says, because that seems like the right place to start.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick.</em>
</p><p>“I, uh, I assumed that,” Miyako says calmly, sitting on the bed next to her, pushing her sweat-damp hair back from her forehead. “I also assume you know who the father is?”</p><p>Kou nods. And is sick. Moving the head is dumb.</p><p>“You gonna tell me who?”</p><p>“I feel like I should tell him, first,” Kou muses. “Or maybe not. I’m not sure he’d be interested.”</p><p>“He doesn’t have to be <em>interested</em>,” Miyako exclaims. “He has to be <em>involved</em>. Of course... only if you want him to be. If this is some...”</p><p>Kou cuts her off. “No. He’s... he’s a good guy.”</p><p>“Someone we know?” Miyako asks, and fuck, Kou wishes she’d just shut up. She just wants to lie here and be sick and deal with Haru later. “From school? Rei? Not <em>Nagisa, </em>surely?”</p><p>“No. Jeez. No,” Kou sighs.</p><p>“Sousuke? You two have hung out a lot lately.”</p><p>“No. Definitely no.”</p><p>“I suppose it doesn’t matter too much, at this point. Do you... do you think you’d like to continue the pregnancy? There are options.”</p><p>“I know my options,” Kou assures her, although she hasn’t begun to think about them yet. Her concentration hasn’t stretched much further than aiming for the bowl.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s been three <em>days</em> of <em>sick</em>, and Miyako and Rin are both looking at Kou like they’re actually kind of worried about her. That had started yesterday, when she’d tried to take a sip of water and immediately gagged on it. She’s not thrown up much more than liquid since yesterday afternoon. There’s nothing left except what she’s been managing to drink, and she can’t even handle that now.</p><p>And that’s when the acid starts. Kou’s never felt anything like it, crippled by the burn in her throat and the taste that lingers after only prompts another round of vomiting.</p><p>“I’m not sure this is just a stomach bug,” Miyako says, hovering by the door to Kou’s room.</p><p>“Was it ever?” Kou asks, though she’s feeling too weak to inflict much sarcasm.</p><p>“Maybe not... but this is extreme, for morning sickness. I think you might need medical attention.”</p><p>She’s too weak to argue, or move, or... anything. Rin carries her to the car, and pushes her in a wheelchair to the hospital reception, where they’re directed to the maternity unit.</p><p>“She’s pregnant, about six weeks, we think,” Miyako says on Kou’s behalf to the triage nurse. It’s the first time any of them have said it tout loud like that. “She’s been sick a lot. And we thought it was a bug or food poisoning, but it’s been a few days and nothing, not even water, is staying down. It’s all acid, and I swear I saw blood.”</p><p>
  <em>Blood?!</em>
</p><p>She shuts her eyes. The lights burn. It smells like disinfectant and latex. Everything smells. The perfume the lady across the room is wearing smells. The air rolling in from the draft from the vent smells. She’s going to be sick.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p>It’s like drinking too much again. It’s a blur. A haze. Someone stabs her in the crook of her arm, and her arm slowly goes cold... she’s on a drip, she realises when she glances up, and then there’s another stab into her thigh muscle. She can’t push through the nausea, the weakness. She’s just limp. Useless.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Rin says, sounding stressed, before Haru even has time to answer the phone with a <em>hello. </em></p><p>“Are you ok?” Haru asks. “You sound...”</p><p>“I’m fine. Gou’s sick. Like, really sick. She’s in hospital.”</p><p>“Kou?” what? “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“It’s complicated. Private, I guess. I just wanted to ask you something?”</p><p>“Uh, sure?” Haru’s confused. Kou’s been hospitalised and Rin thinks Haru might have all the answers?</p><p>“That night she spent at yours... was she like... <em>with</em> anyone, when you found her? Did she look ok?”</p><p><em>With</em>. Was she <em>with</em> anyone. No, just Haru.</p><p>“She was a bit upset, and there were some people I didn’t know... but it was in a club. She’d been drinking. We both had.”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>“And she spent the night at your place. No one else?”</p><p>“Just me, Rin. It was just me.”</p><p>Haru hears something smash.</p><p>“I’m going to <em>kill</em> you, Nanase.”</p><p>“Figured,” Haru sighs, suddenly glad he only sees Rin on special occasions these days.</p><p>“Oh, no, you don’t understand how dead you actually are,” Haru can hear the rage in Rin’s voice now, hear his spit splattering on the phone. “My baby sister is <em>pregnant</em>.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Pregnant. Kou’s pregnant.</p><p>Kou’s having a baby.</p><p>Kou’s having a baby and <em>Haru</em> is the father.</p><p>“Is that all you have to fucking <em>say for yourself, Nanase</em>.”</p><p>What else is there?</p><p>“Um. Ok. But... she’s sick?” Haru’s mind whirls now. That’s what he’d been calling about in the first place, right?</p><p>“Baby’s trying to kill her or some shit,” Rin continues to spit. “Your fucking demon dolphin spawn.”</p><p>“Slow down, Rin...” Haru muses, overwhelmed. “It might not be mine?” he suggests.</p><p>That was probably a bad idea.</p><p>“Are you saying my sister <em>sleeps around</em>?!” Rin roars.</p><p>“No... no... if she says it’s mine then I’ll believe her but... you didn’t say she said, so...”</p><p>“She doesn’t need to. You just admitted it. <em>It was just me</em>, is what you said, right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Fuck, Haru.”</p><p>No shit.</p><p>“I... guess I should go catch a train?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s late when Haru makes it to the Matsuoka house, and he’s surprised when it’s Sousuke who answers the door. Sousuke doesn’t say anything to him, doesn’t need to, not with that face. His stare itself is enough to make Haru curse the day he was born. He looks around, looking for Rin, mostly, incase he needs to dodge an attack, but Sousuke shakes his head.</p><p>“Miyako made him go out for a walk when she heard you were almost here. They’re upstairs.”</p><p>“Right. Thanks,” Haru nods.</p><p>He takes his shoes off and takes the stairs two at a time, suddenly anxious to see Kou, but he can <em>hear</em> how sick she is without even entering the room. She’s retching and hacking at something in her throat, and coughing, and spitting.</p><p>“Haruka,” Miyako startles him when she peeks out of the room and beckons him forward. “Come in.”</p><p>“Sorry for the intrusion,” he whispers, stepping in. He’s sorry for a lot of things. “Hey, Kou.”</p><p>“Haru?”</p><p>She’s lying in bed, head right at the side, ready to lean down and throw up into the bowl on the ground.</p><p>“I heard you were sick? And you went to hospital? And you’re...”</p><p>He doesn’t finish, can’t, because she’s throwing up again, but then doing her best to try and sit up.</p><p>“Still pretty sick,” she whispers.</p><p>“They gave her something at the hospital, an anti-sickness injection. It was meant to last 12 hours, so we could take her to the doctor tomorrow, but it’s not even lasted 4,” Ms. Matsuoka informs him. They gave her fluids, too, and she managed to eat something, but that’s kinda gone now, too.”</p><p>“And is this because of...?” Haru starts, looking between Kou and her mum.</p><p>He doesn’t want to say the word. <em>Pregnancy</em>. Kou’s <em>pregnant</em>.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s morning sickness.”</p><p>It’s almost 10pm, but if that’s the technical term, then Haru’s not going to argue. He just nods, standing there, utterly lost and confused and useless and wishing he could trade places with literally <em>anyone</em> who might be of some value here.</p><p>But no, no one else has fucked up as badly as he has. This is on him.</p><p>“I really am so-”</p><p>“If you <em>dare</em> say you’re so-blaugh,” she pauses to puke, and Haru’s getting the feeling that this is how a lot of conversations are going to go. “Sorry, I’m not holding Rin back when he gets home. Please. Don’t be sorry.”</p><p>But he <em>is</em> sorry. Sorry she’s going through this. Sorry for her mum, sorry for Rin, sorry for Sousuke, who’s been dragged into this just to restrain Rin, if needed. Maybe even himself, though he doesn’t deserve it.</p><p>“What can I do?” he says instead.</p><p>“Just... sit with me?” Kou suggests.</p><p>“I’m going to give you two some privacy. You should probably talk. If you’re feeling up to it, Gou.”</p><p>“It’s Kou,” Haru says, suddenly defensive. “She prefers Kou.”</p><p> </p><p>They don’t do much talking, but Haru tentatively sits on the other side of the bed, just sitting, like she said, leaning against the headboard with his legs alongside hers. He feels like she should just go to sleep, or go back to hospital, if what they had done to help had already worn off. His only experience of pregnancy had been when Makoto’s mum was expecting the twins, and he doesn’t remember anything like <em>this</em>. But then again, he had been eleven, but still this doesn’t seem...</p><p>“Is this normal?” he asks, being careful not to be loud or jarring or offensive.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“This amount of sickness... is this just what happens when you’re... pregnant.”</p><p>It’s not a nice word, he decides. Not very elegant, or beautiful, as Rei might say. He doesn’t like <em>with child</em> much, either, but it’s better than <em>knocked up</em>.</p><p>“Don’t think so. I’m... gonna lie do-bleargh.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru says, instinctively brushing her hair back behind her ear, out of the range of the splatter. “Might be best. Do you need some water? To rinse your mouth out?”</p><p>“Can’t stand it,” she says simply.</p><p>“My dad’s a doctor... this isn’t his field, but he might have some suggestions?”</p><p>“I don’t think I want anyone to know,” she says quietly. “We don’t know what we’re doing yet, do we?”</p><p>“It’s whatever you want,” Haru says, because it’s obvious, isn’t it?</p><p>“Figured you’d say something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>She goes to sleep eventually, and Haru fires off a quick text to his dad anyway, keeping it generic.</p><p>
  <em>Haru: what do you give to someone who’s being so sick they can’t even have water?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dad: Try watermelon. Maybe fizzy drinks, full sugar, for the calories.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dad: Who’s sick?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: Just a friend. Thanks. </em>
</p><p><em>Friend</em>, Haru thinks. It doesn’t seem like a strong enough word right now. But she’s not his <em>girl</em>friend. Maybe she should be? Are they going to get married? Will they move in together? Will she even want to keep the baby? There are other routes she could choose to go down, after all.</p><p>Lots of questions. Lots of things to talk about. Lots of words to say and Haru’s not sure if he can actually say <em>anything</em> except <em>sorry</em>.</p><p>He lays there for a long time, feeling Kou’s chest rise and fall next to him, and it’s sort of soothing, and helps him ponder. He’s never really considered having a family before. He’s never even <em>really</em> considered girls before, at least not to the same extent as his peers. Kou’s attractive, he’s not <em>blind</em>, but he’s also not sure if he’s attracted <em>to</em> her. Well, he decides he must be. He’d had sex with her, after all. Ok, so he’s attracted to Kou, probably, what next?</p><p>What would he <em>do</em>? If she kept the baby? Move back to Iwatobi and find a job? Move her to Tokyo and try and get something part time, and keep them afloat on his student support? He <em>does</em> have the scholarship, after all, and it would be a shame to waste it. And it would be a shame to waste... everything. All these years of swimming. And if he quits, he’ll never really swim again. Not on the world stage. Not with Rin. Never free.</p><p>And what if she doesn’t want him involved? Does he go back to Tokyo and send her money and birthday cards for the baby? No... he knows her enough to know she’d want him involved at least more than that. She’d been fatherless since she was very young, after all. Having a family was important to her. As it was to Rin.</p><p>Fuck. Rin. He’ll get back to that one later.</p><p>So a family. A baby. Does he want that. Not just <em>now</em>, but ever? Maybe? He’s not thought much beyond swimming. He’s not thought much about anything <em>but</em> swimming in quite a long time, to be honest. It’s proving difficult.</p><p> </p><p>Kou stirs next to him then, and Haru’s first movement is to pull her hair back again, assuming she’s going to be sick, but she’s not. She rolls to look at him, seeming perplexed.</p><p>“You’re still here?” she asks.</p><p>Haru nods, because, well, he <em>is</em>.</p><p>“I think I need some help walking to the bathroom,” she says quietly.</p><p>“Right. Ok. On it.”</p><p>He helps her up. It’s not like she can’t walk, she’s just <em>dizzy</em> and unstable, holding onto Haru and the hallway wall on her other side, and he stands near while she hikes her nighty up and sits down on the loo, and then closes the door, giving her privacy. He waits to hear the flush, and then the sound of the water running to indicate she’s washing her hands... and then there’s the tell tale retch, and the splatter, and the sound of porcelain-on-porcelain, lifting up the lid of the toilet so she can continue into there instead of the floor.</p><p>He goes in, figuring it’s probably for the best, but then Rin is behind him too, having obviously heard the noise. Haru ignores him. It’s a problem he can just pretend isn’t there right now, not when Kou clearly needs some help, so he crouches by her, moving her hair again, and Rin doesn’t approach.</p><p>“I guess I’ll clean this up, if you’ve got her?” he grunts, but when Haru looks at him he’s not nearly as angry as he expects. Just concerned.</p><p>“I’ve got her.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin cleans up, and does the bowl at the bedside, and even throws some sleep clothes at Haru, like a peace offering.</p><p>“I guess you’re staying with her, then?”</p><p>“Um...” well, what’s the worst he’s gonna do? Get her pregnant <em>again</em>? “Seems logical.”</p><p>Rin starts to say something, catches himself, and then is suddenly very, <em>very</em> close to Haru, where they’re standing outside of Kou’s room.</p><p>“If you <em>hurt</em> her, Nanase...”</p><p>“You’ll kill me. I know.” Haru nods.</p><p>He feels like he’s probably already hurt her enough, but whatever. Sousuke’s face appears at Rin’s door, just keeping an eye on the situation, apparently also sleeping over.</p><p>“Do you have any Coke? Or a Sprite? Anything fizzy...” Haru says then.</p><p>“What? For <em>you</em>... since when do you drink anything but water?”</p><p>“For Kou... it might help.”</p><p>“Right. Yeah. I’ll fetch some up.”</p><p>“And watermelon?”</p><p>“You’re <em>pushing it</em>, Nanase,” Rin growls. “I’ll get some in the morning.”</p><p>Haru helps Kou back to her room and into bed, and quickly changes into Rin’s pyjamas and climbs in on her other side. She moves closer to him, and that’s fine, whatever she wants, but then she sniffles. She’s crying.</p><p>“Hey, Kou. Don’t cry, please,” he says, brushing her hair back <em>again</em>, because she doesn’t object to it, so maybe she likes it.</p><p>“Does it make you uncomfortable?” she asks, suddenly harsh.</p><p>“No. I just... that’s what you’re supposed to say, right? When someone cries?”</p><p>She laughs then, just a little huff of one, through the tears. “I hope the baby has more social skills than you do.”</p><p>“Definitely. Before he’s even two, probably.”</p><p>“<em>He</em>?”</p><p>Oh. He <em>had</em> said that, hadn’t he? “That just kinda... maybe it’s a he.”</p><p>She sniffles again, and turns towards Haru now, tucking herself into him, and this he understands. She needs a hug, and he can do that, he can wrap her up and hold her close and just let her cry, if that’s what she needs.</p><p>Rin comes in then, with various flavours of fizzy drink to set on her bedside table, chilled from the fridge. He looks at them, more specifically at Haru, and his arms holding onto his sister, and Haru can <em>see</em> him trying to bite his tongue on whatever he wants to say. He’s pretty impressed. Rin’s never kept his mouth shut before in his life.</p><p>“So, I <em>did</em> ask my dad,” Haru says when Kou questions the drinks. “But I wasn’t specific. He suggested fizzy drinks, instead of water. Maybe they’re easier to swallow? And there’s more calories.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she whispers. “I’ll try anything.”</p><p> </p><p>The fizzy orange stuff is like <em>magic</em>. The sour tang and the bounce of the bubbles in her throat seem to sort of soften the constant urge to retch. Kou takes another sip, looking between Rin and Haru with amazement, and they’re both smiling softly at her. She likes that. And she likes Haru being this close. She knows he doesn’t <em>do</em> this, doesn’t touch, doesn’t lay on the affection, and is probably in a whole other universe than his usual comfort zone, but she appreciates it, and leans into him even more, and he just keeps holding, just keeps running his hands up and down her arm and her side.</p><p>Rin leaves silently, which she also appreciates. He’s trying so hard to be soft and gentle, but he’s also so irate with the whole situation that she’s finding him difficult to be around. The negative energy is getting her down. It’s affecting her decision making. She’s <em>probably</em> confident with what she’s rolling with, but she needs to talk to Haru.</p><p>Now seems like a pretty good time, considering her throat isn’t burning with the left over acid, her vocal cords are sort of lubricated, she’s not puked for like a whole ten minutes for the first time in four days, and Haru’s here, all placid and supple. Like he’s approachable.</p><p>“So... what do you think?” she says, trying to break a bit of ice and test her voice. It’s dry, crackly, but it works.</p><p>“Think?”</p><p>“Don’t be <em>difficult</em>,” she hisses.</p><p>“I’m not <em>trying</em> to be. I don’t know <em>what</em> to think.”</p><p>“I’m pregnant,” Kou says then, because she feels like Haru’s been avoiding the word. “It’s... yours.”</p><p>“Yes,” Haru nods.</p><p>“From that night... when I was upset and we got drunk and we...”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I don’t even <em>remember</em>,” she feels the sob coming, but it feels like it might just make her throw up again so she takes a breath, calms it down. “I think this would be easier if I could remember it happening.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru’s softer now. Like he agrees.</p><p>She kind of wants to kiss him, just to feel it, feel what it would have been like, let her imagination play out how they’d ended up in bed together, and what <em>that </em>would have been like.</p><p>“I’ll do whatever you want,” Haru says now, and his hold feels different, like he’s using it to support himself rather than her. “I’ll drop out and get a job, or send you whatever money I can make if I swim in competitions, anything. Anything, Kou.”</p><p>“Would you stop swimming?” she asks, mostly curious.</p><p>“Yes. If that’s what you want, if it’s what makes this work.”</p><p>He says it so easily, like he’s actually thought about it. He’s not <em>stupid</em>, so he probably has, and apparently more than her. She’s still stuck on if they’re even going to keep it or not... if she’s going to be pregnant and have a baby, or if she’s going to...terminate.</p><p>No, she realises then. She doesn’t want that last option. She doesn’t feel like she could forget. There’ll always be the <em>what ifs</em>.</p><p>“I think I want to keep it.”</p><p>“Ok,” Haru says, easily again, and then. “I’m glad.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I don’t think I could forget,” he whispers. His hand moves down from her side to her stomach, caressing. “Where would he be?”</p><p>“Lower, I think. It’s just a tiny blob still.”</p><p>She guides his hand lower, sort of to her pubic area but stopping. It’s probably not accurate. She knows how these things <em>work</em>, but not this much detail.</p><p>“Baby,” she hears him whisper, but it’s private. It’s not for her to hear. “Anything you want. Both of you. I’ll do it. Always.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru wakes with her the next morning, she feels him shift around her and move her hair like he keeps doing, so she can lean over and be sick. He bowl’s been changed again, someone, mum or Rin, apparently creeping in earlier while they were both still asleep. Or, maybe Haru had been awake, and just not wanted to move. He’s still holding pretty tight. He hasn’t let go in hours.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” his voice is still clouded with sleep, but he’s sitting up.</p><p>“Sick.” That’s about it, really. Sick, tired. Lost. Happy? “I think I want a shower.”</p><p>“Ok,” Haru says, and he;s up then, disappearing off in the direction of the bathroom, and Kou hears the water turn on, and then he’s back. “How can I help?”</p><p>“Oh... um... I think I’ll be fine?”</p><p>“Ok.”</p><p>It’s nice, having a little bit of time to herself. She’s still nauseous but she’s kind of ok, comparatively, apart from the fact that she’s <em>disgusting</em>, having been unable to take any real care of herself for the last few days. She sets the shower hot, feel like she wants to feel a bit of the burn, like it will somehow make her cleaner, and steps in, and it <em>does</em> help. She can’t feel sick when she’s feeling this <em>hot</em>. The room quickly steams up, and breathing the hot, moist air feels nice on her lungs.</p><p>She washes her hair, sets some conditioner in to work it’s magic, and scrubs up thoroughly with her usual body wash. Everything smells stronger than she remembers, but that’s part of the hormone thing, probably. She’s read about it, in between bouts of being sick and the light of her phone screen sending her too dizzy to read anymore. She’s trying to learn.</p><p>Her bedsheets have been changed while she’s been in the shower, and fresh pyjamas laid out on the bed. The clothes Haru slept in are folded and sitting on the chair by her bedroom window, so he’s probably downstairs. She wants to go downstairs. Wants to be part of the family and feel a little bit normal, but first she needs to sit down again. The nausea is building. It’s becoming overwhelming again.</p><p> </p><p>“Mum?!” they’d been sat in a stony silence until now, when all four of them at the kitchen table whip their heads up at Kou’s call. “Haru?!”</p><p>Haru’s on his feet and halfway to the stairs before Miyako has even set her morning coffee down on the table. Rin and Sousuke are close behind, and that’s probably fine, since she sounds like she needs help. She’s not in the bathroom anymore, the shower is off, and wet footprints on the carpet lead to her bedroom. He knocks once, Rin and Sousuke hanging back just a little, and lets himself in.</p><p>Kou’s slumped on the ground, half leaning against the bed and half just slumped over on her side. She’s mid vomit when he enters, mostly missing the bowl but she’s trying her best. Her towel has slipped loose, and Haru raises a hand behind him so Rin and Sousuke don’t try and follow just yet. She wouldn’t want that.</p><p>“Kou...” Haru crouches and scoots as close as he thinks she’ll let him, tugging up the edge of her towel over her chest so she’s covered. “Can someone throw us a robe?” Haru calls behind him, and ten seconds later he hears the thud of fabric landing behind him.</p><p>“Haru... don’t look,” Kou scowls at him, but it’s weak, and... well, it’s not like he’s not already seen, even if he doesn’t really remember.</p><p>“I’m not looking,” he tells her anyway. “Help me get this on you... arm... arm... ok,” he ties the cord around her, adjusting the fabric, and pulls the wet towel away. “Are you...done?” he nods to the bowl, and she just looks at him, which apparently means <em>yes</em>. “I’m gonna help you up.”</p><p>He gets ready to scoop her up and she sets her arms around his neck, ready to hold on. She’s not heavy, not for all his training, and he’s only moving her to the bed anyway. Miyako, Rin and Sousuke have all appeared in the doorway now, all watching with concern as Haru sets her down on the bed and gets her propped up with pillows behind her.</p><p>“Bowl,” she says, and her hand clasps over her mouth.</p><p>Haru’s quick, but only just manages to grab the bowl and hold it for her when she starts to throw up. It’s all orange and bubbly, probably from the Fanta she’s been drinking, but the actual <em>effort</em> of it doesn’t seem as much as it was last night. It must burn less now that it’s not just bile. He gathers her hair, still wet, to hold it behind her head, and a little sigh lets him know when she’s done. He passes a tissue to wipe her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Miyako asks, stepping up, and Haru knows this is his cue to move off.</p><p>He busies himself with cleaning the mess on the floor, Rin and Sousuke shuffling into the room to let him go to and from the bathroom.</p><p>“Just... I was ok... and then.”</p><p>“Came on pretty suddenly?”</p><p>“Yeah...”</p><p>“I called the doctors. Keep your phone on you. Someone’s going to call you with a telephone appointment, since you’re not really in a state to go in.”</p><p>Kou doesn’t respond, at least that Haru knows of, but he’s got the water running in the bathroom so he can go and scrub the carpet. He hears the bathroom door creaking open, and knows just from the aura that Rin is behind him.</p><p>“Haru...” Rin says. He’s still trying to be mad, but Haru knows him well enough to know he’s more like <em>sad</em>.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“This is bad. And you’ve fucked up. But... you’re good at looking after her.”</p><p>“I’ve done this before,” Haru says easily. “For Grandma.”</p><p>Rin had been in Australia when Grandma got sick, like, <em>really</em> sick, and Haru was the only one there to help until his parents finally came home for that final month before she died. He’d become somewhat hardened to it, mostly to protect his 14 year old brain from any lasting upset, but it also wasn’t difficult. It was the right thing to do, so therefore it was easy.</p><p>And then he has another thought, and this one is actually useful. He’s not really thought anything other than <em>baby</em> since he’d held onto Kou’s belly last night.</p><p>“Remind me, later, to do something with Grandma’s house. For money.”</p><p>“Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself a bit there?”</p><p>“Babies cost money... I don’t know where Kou wants to live or anything, or if she wants me o get a job or... anything. But if I rent that old house out, it’ll be an income, whatever happens.”</p><p>There’s silence then, and the aura changes considerably.</p><p>“Who says you’re evening having the baby? Gou’s smart, she’s not gonna-”</p><p>“Rin,” Haru holds his hands up, non-threatening. “We decided last night.”</p><p>The door is the first victim of Rin’s rage, a sizeable dent forming underneath his fist. Sousuke appears then, just in time to grab hold of Rin before he can close the gap to Haru.</p><p>“<em>Fuck you, Nanase!</em>” he yells, even as Sousuke is hauling him down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Kou lets out a whimper. She can’t help it. She hadn’t <em>meant</em> to listen in on Rin and Haru but with Rin fucking shouting it’s kinda hard not to. And Rin doesn’t want her to have the baby. She’d sort of assumed her family would just support her whatever, her mum definitely will, she’s confident but... the baby growing up with an uncle who never wanted them to be born. It doesn’t seem fair.</p><p>“He’ll come round,” Miyako says, trying to calm her down, but it’s not working. “If this is what you want, then he’ll be the best he can be, for you and Baby.”</p><p>“Sorry,” it’s Haru, wet cloth in hand and looking away. He’s upset, too.</p><p>He doesn’t say anything else, just sets about cleaning the carpet where she’s made a huge pukey mess because <em>she’s</em> a huge mess.</p><p>“Thanks, Haruka,” Miyako says, and Kou sees her nudge him, vying for attention. “Can I talk to you two, just a little?”</p><p>“Probably should,” Kou mutters, and her mum gives her an affectionate smile.</p><p>“If you’re both prepared for this, to have the baby, there are lots and <em>lots</em> of things to think about. Like where you’ll live, what you’ll do for money, and none of those decisions have to be made today. I’m gonna hedge a guess at May, when the baby will be born. Kou’s gonna graduate, and Haruka... you have so much potential.”</p><p>“I’ll do anything,” Haru says, like he had earlier. “Whatever she wants. Whatever you want, Kou.”</p><p>“That’s lovely,” Miyako reaches out to him now, a genuinely thankful hand on his shoulder. “But, it’s very early days... anything could happen yet. You’ve heard of miscarriage, right...? The odds are one in four, for a baby to be lost before twelve weeks. I was... your age, Kou, when I had my first pregnancy. And lost it.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Kou hadn’t known that.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Haru says, but he’s looking at Kou, eyes wide and worried, and all she wants is to reach out and hug him.</p><p>“Most people wait until twelve weeks to make any life changing decisions. You should go back to University, Haruka.”</p><p>“I have a responsibility to help Koy while she’s sick. It’s my fault she’s so sick.”</p><p>“Very sweet,” Miyako dismisses him. “But in the <em>long</em> run, and babies are a very, very long run, this baby will be better off with an Olympian for a parent, rather than what ever other options you’re considering. Drop out and work in a shop? It’ll be hard, but it’ll be... best.”</p><p>“But he’d be all the way in Tokyo!” Kou blurts out then. “When would he see the baby?!”</p><p>“Move in with me,” Haru shrugs, like it’s obvious, and maybe it is, but it’s absolutely not that simple.</p><p>Miyako sighs. “These decisions can wait. Take it one step at a time. Like making you less sick,” she hugs Kou, “and you still doing your best.”</p><p>She’s probably right.</p><p>Kou’s just gonna be sick again.</p><p> </p><p>The doctor calls while Kou is in the throws of another episode of nausea and vomiting, so it’s Haru and Miyako trying to field the call and answer what they can. Haru’s angry already. He’s not really listening anymore, just stroking Kou’s hair back while she pukes, and even Miyako is looking drained.</p><p>“It all sounds very dramatic,” the doctor laments, for the third time, and Haru wishes Miyako would take her off speaker-phone so Kou can’t here. “Are you sure, as her mother, that this isn’t just a cry for attention?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah I’m pretty sure. Again, I’ve never seen anything like this. We think she fainted earlier. We took her to the hospital yesterday, who said you would help. They gave her medicine which helped, but she needs more.”</p><p>The doctor eventually agrees to prescribe something, insisting that Kou just needs to toughen up, and it will only be for a couple of weeks. Rin’s act of apology is to go an pick up the medicine, and the watermelon he promised, and more Fanta, because Kou is pretty much living off that stuff. Haru waits for him at the front door. They need to talk, need to get it all in the open, where Kou can’t get upset and Sousuke doesn’t have to interfere.</p><p>He can see Rin already riling himself up as he approaches, but Haru’s not good at fighting, and that’s probably a good thing. If he just stays calm, they’ll be able to talk.</p><p>“Rin, I...”</p><p>“Don’t, Haru,” ok, so at least he’s <em>Haru</em> again. “I’m sorry. I know it must have sounded like... like I <em>wanted</em> the baby to -” he cut himself off, and they both look away. It needs to be left unsaid. “I just wanted my sister to have a better future than being a teenage mother.”</p><p>Haru feels like making a comment, like <em>like you’re own mother</em>, but that’s absolutely not helpful. He knows Miyako has tried her best to raise Rin and Kou, mostly on her own, and they’ve often struggled. Haru doesn’t want to struggle like that.</p><p>“My dad would be ashamed of me for how I’ve been treating you. You’re stepping up, that’s good. But if I’m going to be an uncle, then I need to, too.”</p><p>Haru’s not sure how Rin’s managed to talk himself round to this conclusion without at least three more arguments and some agressive racing, but, alright then. That’s fine. That’s good.</p><p>“Don’t stop swimming. I’ll kill you again if you stop swimming.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s arranged to stay for the weekend. It’s already Thursday, and he doesn’t have classes tomorrow anyway, just training, and he’s allowed to stay <em>only</em> if he goes to the ISCR with Rin to train with him there. Rin has to head back to Australia soon, too, and Haru’s a little worried that it’s just going to be Miyako and Sousuke with Kou’s bucket loads of vom that they’re both a little squicked out by, but she has the meds now. Maybe it’ll stop.</p><p>It doesn’t stop.</p><p>“You should weigh yourself,” Rin comments, swapping out the bowl and refreshing the box of tissues while Haru’s holding onto Kou. “You’re going to lose weight, like this. You should track it, for health purposes. What did you weigh last week?”</p><p>That’s a pretty specific thing to ask someone who doesn’t monitor these things for raining or diet purposes. But Kou’s been around swimmers and all their associated nonsense for long enough that she doesn’t bat an eye.</p><p>“Like... maybe 50kg?”</p><p>“I’ll get the scales,” Rin says.</p><p>48kg. It’s not <em>much</em>, but Haru’s pretty sure you’re supposed to <em>gain</em> weight, not lose it, and this trend looks set to coninue.</p><p>There’s another few hours before she can take another anti-sickness med. Buccastem. She’s supposed to let it dissolve under her top lip. Haru thinks it’s bullshit. Not ten minutes after trying to take it, the tablet had still been whole when she threw up.</p><p>“I’m going to contact my dad again,” he says quietly, rubbing Kou’s back. “He’s an oncologist so... people get sick from chemotherapy all the time. I know it’s not the same, but he can at least advise.”</p><p>“Whatever,” is all Kou says, and she leans into Haru. “Lower? It hurts.”</p><p>“Lower back pain,” Rin says, sort of wistfully, and Haru cocks an eyebrow in question. “I read about it last night... what to expect. Symptoms and stuff.”</p><p>Haru should probably do more of that. He’s been a bit distracted trying to set the house up for rent. Kisumi might end up beng useful after all. His family deals with that kind of stuff, right?</p><p>“You should probably tell your parents anyway, I guess,” Kou says. She’s got her head lolled back on Haru’s shoulder now, eyes closed, <em>deep</em> in the nausea again. It’s all encompassing. Like she can’t speak, or think, or move when she’s getting a wave of it.</p><p>“How will they react?” Rin asks.</p><p>Haru shrugs. He doesn’t doubt it will be any different from the way they react to most of his life changing news. “Got a full ride scholarship to Hidaka.” “Being put forward for Team Japan.” “Gonna be a dad.” <em>Oh, that’s nice, we’ll send you a card</em>.</p><p>It’s not that they don’t love him, or they’re not supportive, they’re just... distant.</p><p> </p><p><em>Sick. Sick. Sick</em>.</p><p>Kou is so sick of feeling sick. Maybe she <em>is</em> being pathetic and just needs to suck it up. She’s going to do something to distract herself.</p><p>“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” she says, unwinding herself from Haru.</p><p>He’s been quietly reading, probably baby related, on his phone for who knows how long while she’s just been trying not to even breathe out of turn next to him. She’s tucked against his chest, and even his breathing got too much at one poiint and she had to roll away, but she’s been cuddling up again for a while. She likes it. Likes being this close to him. And it’s like he wants to be close, too. And maybe he does. They’re having a baby, after all.</p><p>“Do you need help?” he asks.</p><p>“Perfectly capable of peeing by myself.”</p><p>He nods.</p><p>She cleans her teeth as well. There’s blood when she spits. Damage to her gums from the bile, or something else gross. She wants to try something.</p><p>She sits opposite Haru when she gets back on the bed, holding out her hands for him to take, and he does, like it’s an instinct.</p><p>“Kiss me.”</p><p>“Huh?” Haru blinks at her owlishly, dumbstruck.</p><p>“Will you kiss me?”</p><p>Haru nods. “If you want.”</p><p>“But only if <em>you</em> want,” Kou says quickly. “It’s not like we’re... <em>together</em>, or anything.”</p><p>“We should be,” Haru says, and he’s suddenly sounding cross with himself. “We should get married.”</p><p>“Woah. No. Slow down.”</p><p>Haru shrugs. “It would be the right thing to do.”</p><p>“It would be a stupid thing to do. Don’t be so old fashioned. I just want to remember.”</p><p>“Huh?” Haru’s blinking at her again.</p><p>“We went the whole way and made a baby, and neither of us remember it. I want to. I need to.”</p><p>“Ok,” Haru says gently. “We’ll work it out.”</p><p>He leans forwards, making up the distance, and Kou’s not expecting it when one of his hands takes her arm and the other slides to the back of her neck, tilting her up towards him. His lips are soft when they touch hers, almost like he’s experimenting, but also like it’s muscle memory. It’s just a peck. There’s no movement or tongues or even a satisfied sigh.</p><p>“How’s that?” Haru asks, pulling back and leaning his forehead against hers.</p><p>“Again.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"yeah sure, I can totally wrap this up in 10k words, it'll just a be a little thing. a good healthy vent."<br/>Nah. <br/>No. <br/>No I can't. <br/>Being sick fucked me up more than I think I even realised and Gou's only been sick like a week here. She has 37 more to go.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Still September</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Still September</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>Haru’s not here. Mum’s not here. Rin’s not here.</p><p>Kou’s still sick.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick.</em>
</p><p>Sousuke, bless his cotton socks, is trying his best, Kou can tell. He’s ducking in and out of Kou’s room every half hour or so, or every time he hears her spew, and seriously, she’s kind of getting used to it now. It’s more inconvenient than anything at this point. He doesn’t <em>have</em> to come and try and give her tissues every time. He might as well camp out on her floor if he wants that to be the case. The sick is nothing.</p><p>The sick is a relief.</p><p>A whole six minutes when she’s not drowning in nausea. Just a short little burst of time to think and breathe and <em>function</em>. She has studies to catch up on, basic personal hygiene to indulge in, iron and folic acid to try and take and, worst of all, try and eat something more than watermelon.</p><p>That one’s not happening.</p><p>45kg</p><p>Rin had been right, annoyingly, and had left several tubs of protein milkshake mix in the kitchen before he went back to Australia. She needs <em>something</em>. It’s not just the nausea anymore, it’s the lack of energy and lack of strength. But she tried some yogurt the other day, and throwing up dairy was <em>bad</em>. A milkshake will probably be worse. `</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She can’t believe the time she’s lost. How long she’s been so <em>useless</em> for. She’s not an especially proud person, but she’s never felt so hopeless and so needy and she <em>hates</em> it. Every well meaning text is just starting to upset her. But today she might at least get some help, or some answers. She’s showered and brushed her hair and put real clothes on for the first time in a while, and is now trying to recover from all that effort on the couch (she’s actually <em>downstairs</em>) waiting for the midwife to show up for her booking appointment. Hopefully then she can have more of a ball rolling on the healthcare side of things.</p><p>The midwife brings a student with her, and Kou’s already been warned that this would be likely, but it’s still a bit... <em>weird</em>. The student is barely a year older than her, maybe. It’s awkward. <em>Embarrassing</em>. Especially when the student’s eyes go wide when Kou gives her date of birth. Sousuke’s hovering in the kitchen, and Kou can just see his reflection in the mirror over the mantel. He’s got his arms folded, scowling, like he’s stewing over something.</p><p>“And is this young man baby’s father?” the midwife asks.</p><p>“Oh,” Kou looks up, and Sou’s in the doorway now. “No.”</p><p>“Just a friend,” Sousuke says. “The <em>father</em> is a student, in Tokyo.”</p><p>He seems to spit the word, and Kou can feel herself bristling. She’d talked to Haru this morning, and he’d been almost pleading with her to just tell him to get the next train and come to be here for the appointment, but that would be silly. He has classes, and like Miyako said, they’re better off if he stays in school.</p><p>“He did want to be here,” Kou says quietly.</p><p>There are lots of questions, and Kou can’t really concentrate enough to even process half of them, let alone supply a fully formed answer. The form is littered with blank spaces, but it’s fine, says the midwife, they have the essentials and-</p><p><em>Bleurgh</em>.</p><p>“Sorry!” she gasps, hand clamping over her mouth, jumping up and skittering past the splatter on the living room rug to get to the kitchen sink before it comes again.</p><p>She’s gotten so used to that bubbling feeling of inpending puke that she’s surprised how much this bout has caught her off guard. Maybe because she’s been distracted. Is that good or bad, though? At least if she’s aware of it she’s less likely to make a mess.</p><p>“I got it,” Sousuke says, rubbing her just for a fraction of a second on her shoulder as he passes by with kitchen towel and a damp cloth, and she can hear him then, talking to the midwife and the student. “She’s been really sick. For two weeks now. And she’s losing weight. She’s got some medicaine, but it’s not doing anything and...”</p><p>“That can be normal,” the midwife says. “it will pass.”</p><p>“We took her to the hospital last week, it was so bad... I think she’s dehydrated-”</p><p>“Ok, ok. There <em>can</em> be some extreme cases. We can test her urine for ketones. Some people some times need a little help, if they’re stuck in a cycle of vomiting and not eating.”</p><p>Kou comes back, then, looking at Sousuke and trying to convey but <em>shut up</em> and <em>thanks</em>. She’s <em>fine</em>. She’s not sick, she’s just <em>pregnant</em>, and as the midwife said, being sick is normal. She’s just gonna have to suck it up.</p><p>“Can we get a urine sample, dear?”</p><p>Fine. Whatever. They wanted one from her anyway.</p><p>There’s a pause when she hands the cup over. She knows it’s dark. She knows it smells. She <em>is</em> dehydrated, but that’s probably to be expected considering the comedy projectile vomit that occurs every time water touches her tongue, like someone flicking on the sick switch somewhere inside her.</p><p>“If you <em>could</em> go back to hospital, hopefully this afternoon, we can give them a referal and they can give you some fluids, another IV anti-sickness medicine, and that might just sort you out a little. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”</p><p>“I’ll borrow a car,” Sousuke says softly.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Haru frowns at his phone, not really knowing what else to do. He can’t just jump up and go and call her, can he? He’s in class... but maybe he should. Or maybe he should just put his phone away and try and concentrate for another ten minutes. It’s not like he can be of any use, anyway.</p><p>
  <em>Kou: I have to go back to hospital, apparently I’m dehydrated. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: Let me know what I can do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: I’m fine.</em>
</p><p>Well she’s clearly <em>not</em> fine if she’s going to <em>hospital, </em>but whatever. He’s just going to get pissed off and do something reckless if he winds himself into a knot. He’s meeting with Kisumi, anyway. So at least he can get some advice on the house, and <em>that</em> will be useful.</p><p>Makoto is with Kisumi when Haru makes it to their meeting point. He doesn’t know why he expected anything less, but he’s suddenly glad. Makoto will help. Makoto will know what to do. He’s not had chance to talk to him, to confide in him, and he always has whenever he’s had a problem. Maybe not a problem like <em>this</em> but...</p><p>But it’s not a problem. It’s a baby. It’s an event, he decides. A life changing event. <em>Not</em> a problem.</p><p>“So I heard from Nagisa that Kou’s been off school for two weeks now,” Makoto says. “Have ou heard anything from Rin, Haru? She must be pretty sick.”</p><p>Haru sits down, fumbling with his bento box and suddenly not feeling even a little bit hungry.</p><p>“I have something to tell you,” he says quietly, and he’d rather it was <em>just</em> Makoto, but Kisumi may as well be privy too, if he’s going to be asking for his help. “Kou’s pregnant.”</p><p>“What?” makoto says, mouth immediately dropping open like someone’s just slapped him.</p><p>“Oh, wow!” Kisumi says. “That’s a surprise.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru says. “It’s why she’s been so sick. She can’t stop throwing up.”</p><p>“Poor Kou,” and Makoto looks sad, now.</p><p>“Poor <em>Sousuke</em>, more like,” Kisumi balks. “Rin’s going to <em>murder</em> him when he finds out.”</p><p>“Sousuke?” Haru frowns.</p><p>“I know he’s liked her for a while,” Makoto muses. “But I didn’t think he’d actually <em>done</em> anything about it... especially not... <em>that</em>.”</p><p>“What does this have to do with Sousuke?” Haru asks.</p><p>“Well, he’s the father, right?” Kisumi cocks his head in question, as if it hasn’t occurred to him that it could be anyone else.</p><p>“No,” Haru says, but, fuck, Sousuke <em>likes</em> Kou? “It’s... It’s me.”</p><p>Makoto spits out his drink, trying t contain the spray with his hand. “What? Haru? <em>When</em>? <em>How?</em>”</p><p>“Don’t ask <em>how</em>, Makoto,” Kisumi laughs, clapping his hand on Mako’s back to try and stop him from dying. “Congratulations, Haru.”</p><p>“That night she missed her train and stayed at mine,” Haru sighs. “We were both drunk, and then we got <em>more</em> drunk, and...”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, we can work out the rest,” Kisumi nods. “Are you two like a thing now, then?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Haru shrugs. “It’s early days, so it’s still a bit of a secret...”</p><p>“We won’t say anything,” Makoto, now composed, says calmly. “Are you happy, Haru?”</p><p>“Uh,” Haru hasn’t really thought about <em>himself</em> being happy, but... “I guess so?”</p><p>“It’s exciting,” Makoto nods, reaching over the table now to hold Haru’s wrist, thumb rubbing circles. “I can’t say I’ not a bit shocked, though.”</p><p>He’s not the only one.</p><p>“What are you guys gonna do? Where are you gonna live? Are you gonna live <em>together</em>? Are you dropping out of school? Is <em>she</em> dropping out of school?”</p><p>“Cool it, Kisumi,” Haru tells him, losing patience. “We’ve not got that far, yet. I wanted to as for your help, though. About renting out my Grandma’s old house, so I can save some money.”</p><p>Kisumi nods enthusiastically then, “Yeah, yeah, whatever I can do to help, just say.”</p><p>“Same here, Haru. Just say the word,” Makoto adds.</p><p>“Do you want to drive down after training on Friday?” Kisumi offers. “I’ll talk to my uncle and see about managing the house myself, to save you some fees. It’ll be a good project for me, too.”</p><p>Haru nods. “That’d be good. She’s had to go back to hospital. She’s <em>really</em> sick.”</p><p>There’s quiet again, soft smiles being thrown at Haru, and a huge grin finally forming on Makoto’s face. He’s happy for them, Haru can tell, and Haru takes solace in it, and it gives him the support he needs to think. Is <em>he</em> happy? Maybe not the right word. He’s confused and overwhelmed and a little bit scared. But he’s <em>hopeful. </em></p><p> </p><p>If Kou has to spend one more second in his waiting room she might actually die. The lights... why are the lights so... light? She hides her head in her jacket, curling her knees to the chest in her seat so she can tuck her face into them to secure some darkness. She’s so dizzy. <em>So</em> dizzy. She could be upseide down and she wouldn’t even know.</p><p>“I’m gonna be sick,” she whispers, but Sousuke hears, sliding her a cardboard bowl he’s snagged from the front desk.</p><p>He rubs her back, coaxing her through each retch and hurl as it comes, and seems to know when she’s finished, taking the bowl away and getting her tissue instead. He’s been told to put the bowls in the midcal waste bin, but with four of them already in there from the hour she’s been waiting to be seen, it’s getting kind of full.</p><p>“I wish they’d hurry up,” Sousuke grunts, sitting back down next to her. He’s all solid and warm and <em>safe</em>, and she feels herself leaning sideways into him.</p><p>“You don’t have to wait with me. I’m fine,” she says, and she means it, but she’s so glad he’s here. he’s not Haru, it’s not the <em>same</em>, but that’s ok.</p><p>“Someone has to. It’s not like Nanase is pulling his weight.”</p><p>“Don’t, Sousuke. He’s trying.”</p><p>She can feel the waves of annoyance, similar to Rin’s but it’s like they’re on a different level. They’ve known each other long enough that he probaly <em>does</em> love her like a sister, and is just as frustrated and protective of her as Rin is, but that’ not it. If Rin’s mellowed out, then he should have, too. It’s different.</p><p> </p><p>She’s finally called through, and the midwife, apparently feeling sympathetic, dims the lights of the exam room, and it makes such a world of difference that Kou suddenly can’t remember what feeling sick even feels like.</p><p>“You’ve been having some trouble with morning sickness?” she asks, though it’s obvious. It’s written right there in her notes.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Just a couple of questions, and then I’ll do some observations.”</p><p>Kou has to give her name and date of birth, again, for identity purposes (though why someone would be sitting her throwing up to try and steal her identity is anyone’s guess but whatever, rules) and then it’s onto more medical stuff. Like what med she’s taken, if she’s had any alcohol or drugs, does she smoke, food allegies, etc.</p><p>“And, how many times would you say you’ve been physically sick, not just feeling queasy, in the last 48 hours or so,” there are options on the form, like a tickbox thing. “Once or twice, two to five times, five to ten times, or ten or more times.”</p><p>“Is that... the whole 48 hours? Or like... per hour?” Kou asks.</p><p>“The 48.”</p><p>“Oh.” Huh. There’s not nearly enough options. “More than ten, I guess.”</p><p>Sousuke stifles a sarcastic scoff from where he’s oitering across the room, and the midwife whirls her chair around to scowl at him.</p><p>“Sorry,” he says, “but she’s been sick at least sixty times since I got to her house at like 9am.”</p><p>“Six<em>teen</em>, did you say?”</p><p>“Six<em>ty</em>.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kou: They’ve put me on a drip, and given me an injection. Kinda feel human.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: I’m glad. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: Do you think you can eat something?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: I’m coming down this weekend. To do house stuff. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: Can I see you?</em>
</p><p>Haru’s rubbish at texting. He doesn’t do it much, but he’s having to get pretty prolific with it pretty damn fast to communicate with Kou. Every time he sends something, he thinks of something else he should have said too, and so he just ends up with a lng string of messages that would be better as a pragraph, or waiting for her to reply and having a conversation.</p><p>“Who ya talking to?” Asahi asks, whipping Haru on the thigh with his towel. “Weird that you’re not the last one still showering for a change. Everything ok?”</p><p>“I guess,” Haru says. It could be worse, right?</p><p>“Congrats, by the way,” he hooks his arm round Hru’s shoulders now, which would be less annoying if he wasn’t so naked. “Kisumi told me your news. But I know t’s a secret. Kinda tortured it out of him.”</p><p>“Oh, thanks,” Haru nods, and smiles.</p><p>He likes that people are, at least outwardly, <em>happy</em> for him, instead of angered and disappointed and ther things he sort of expects for an unplanned drunken teen pregnancy. And fuck, he <em>hates</em> that that is what this even <em>is</em>. He wants it to be more. Wants it to be... <em>better</em>, somehow. Something made out of love, because <em>he</em> certainly loves that baby and-</p><p>He smiles to himself, a something twisting in his gut.</p><p>
  <em>Baby. </em>
</p><p>“-if you need anything, yeah?”</p><p>“What?” Haru stares, coming to the realisation that Asahi has been talking at him.</p><p>“I said, let me know when I can tell my sister. She’ll have loads of hand me downs, from Tsukushi. And let me know if I can do anything else.”</p><p>“Thanks, Asahi.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Haru: How are you doing?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: Sick.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru: Have you gone home?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: No.</em>
</p><p>She feels bad. Haru’s <em>trying</em>, and she wants to talk to him. She has things to tell him, anyway. But she just can’t. She can’t look at the screen without feeling faint. Even on the lowest brightness, it’s too much. She just wants to hide in the dark.</p><p>She’s not been sick since they gave her that injection though, and the fluids are definitely helping, even though her arm is really cold. But just because she’s not <em>being</em> sick doesn’t mean she’s not <em>feeling</em> sick, and the nurses who have taken over the evening shift don’t seem to have the patience for her. She’s just a kid lying in a valuable hospital bed, taking up space, and there’s nothing wrong with her. Maybe if she was still throwing up, they’d understand. But just <em>feeling</em> sick isn’t good enough.</p><p>“Your mum’s on her way,” Sousuke says, coming back into the room, having ducked out to take Miyako’s call. “And it looks like the nurses are coming round with meals.”</p><p>“I don’t want anything.”</p><p>“You know what they said, tough? They’ll stick one of those tubes up your nose and pump food into you that way if you don’t eat soon.”</p><p>Yeah. They <em>had</em> said that, but Kou thinks it’s a bit of an empty threat, just to scare her into not being such a wimp.</p><p>“Please eat,” Sou says, softer now and perching next to her. “You’ve not eaten in <em>days</em>. We’re worried about you. I’m worried about you. Even if you <em>weren’t</em> pregnant, this wouldn’t be healthy.”</p><p>“You don’t have to worry.”</p><p>“<em>Eat</em>. If you don’t want what they’re suerving then fine, I’ll go and get you something else. What do you want. Just <em>one</em> thing.”</p><p>Kou sighs, mulling it over. Something that won’t be awful when it inevitably comes back up. The melon has been great because it digests so easily, and it doesn’t turn sour or stay chunky and lumpy. “Um... something crispy and salty, I guess.”</p><p>“Good. That’ll be good for your electrolytes, even with the saline.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto and Asahi have managed to wheedle their way into the road trip to Iwatobi. it would be fun, if he wasn’t so damn worried about Kou. She’s been released from hospital this morning though, after an overnight stay and a few rounds of fluids, and they’ve given her a new medication which is helping her not throw up as much, even though she stays she’s still super nauseous.</p><p>“So how pregnant <em>is</em> she, now?” Asahi asks. “It can’t be <em>very</em>.”</p><p>“Eight weeks,” Haru says.</p><p>“But it was only last month, like <em>six</em> weeks ago, that the gang was visiting Tokyo,” Makoto frowns, now, doing the maths.</p><p>“It’s complicated. Kou said they work out the date based on the date of her last period, not the date of the... conception.”</p><p>“Sounds stupid,” Kisumi says “How many weeks does it last for? Nine months, right? But what’s that in <em>weeks</em>?”</p><p>“Forty.”</p><p>“But if there’s four weeks in a month, and there’s nine months, then... that’s only thirtysix weeks.”</p><p>“I don’t make the rules,” Haru sighs, looking out of his window, and Makoto gives him an affirming pat on the shoulder from the seat next to him. “The twins came early, right, Makoto?”</p><p>“I think it was six weeks early. I can ask, if you want? And they had to stay in little plstic boxes for a while in hospital, with blue lights over them, and Ran, cus she was so tiny, had tubes for oxygen and milk.”</p><p>“Sounds scary,” Asahi looks back now, reaching out a hand to tap Haru on the knee. “Don’t worry. I’m sure yours will be fine.”</p><p>“Yeah,” thanks for the anxiety though, <em>shit</em>. he changes the subject, trying not to think of it. “Where are you guys all staying?”</p><p>“Oh? Your house?” Kisumi suggests, like it’s obvious. “Hayato’s taken over my old room, so...”</p><p>“And Ren has moved into mine...” Makoto adds.</p><p>And Asahi’s family don’t live in Iwatobi anyway.</p><p>“Fine. I’m staying with Kou, anyway. Just don’t make a mess.”</p><p>“I guess it must be handy, having Rin’s room,” makoto nods, understanding, but oh, oh so innnocent.</p><p>“Not sure that’s what he meant,” Kisumi throws him a smirk in the rearview mirror.</p><p>Nope. Not what he meant at <em>all</em>. He’s gonna hold her close and stroke her hair and <em>kiss</em> her, be <em>enswatheed</em> by her, and fuck, he’s never <em>felt</em> this before, this sudden surge to <em>be</em> with someone. It runs through his mind, picture pefect, and it probably <em>is</em>, because it’s not like it should be new to him. he can see it, how he, maybe both of them, could get so carried away and tangle together, falling into bed and letting nature take its course.</p><p> </p><p><em>Haru</em>: <em>five mins away</em></p><p>Kou steels herself to get up from the couch. She’s dizzy, but the new med, ondansatron, is working so much better than the last thing. She can definitely make it to the kitchen to make Haru a drink without throwing up. It’s nice to be able to function again, even if she still feels like sht. She’s taking it as a win.</p><p>“You ok?” Miyako asks, as she does everytime Kou tries to do literally anything these days.</p><p>“Haru’s nealy here. I’m just gonna put some tea on.”</p><p>“My cue to leave,” Sousuke says, and it sounds like a begrudging grumble.</p><p>“<em>Sousuke</em>,” Kou sighs. “i thought you guys were friends, now? You don’t have to leave just because he’s coming.”</p><p>“I should, though.”</p><p>And he does. it’s not like kou’s going to <em>stop</em> him. He can do what he wants, and he’s hardly been home all <em>week</em>, anyway, with his insistence that <em>he doesn’t mind, it’s fine, he’ll stay and hang out with Kou, it’s not like he’s doing anything else. </em></p><p>It seems unfair for him to be so supportive of <em>her</em> but not of <em>Haru</em>. She doesn’t understand what his problem is.</p><p>There’s the sound of a car pulling up outside, the bang of a door closing, and Haru’s voice calling <em>see you</em>, and then footsteps up the path.Kou is at the door before he can even knock.</p><p>“<em>Haru</em>,” she breathes his name as he steps in, arms tight around her. the hug is so instantaneous, almost desperate on his part.</p><p>“I missed you,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to her head. “Are you feelig ok? You look... you look so much better than last week.”</p><p>“It’s the fluids they gave me. I felt so much better, straight away. I’ve had an <em>actual meal</em> tonight. Come in, come in. Mum is in the lounge. Sousuke just left.”</p><p>“I saw him, we drove past. I waved but... guess he didn’t see.”</p><p>She decides not to mention how weird he was when he left. She makes him sit, and he talks politely with Miyako while they have tea. Kou sinks into his side, and his arm comes around her so <em>naturally</em> she can’t understand why he was ever so awkward and stingy with affection in the past. He’s good at it.</p><p> </p><p>“I bought something,” Haru says quietly, when the small talk has come to a stop.</p><p>He’s suddenly awkward, fumbling into the bag he’s packed and taking out the tissue paper parcel, placing it in Kou’s hands, and she opens it.</p><p>“Oh... Haru.”</p><p>“I was just getting myself socks, and I saw it and... I couldn’t help myself,” he smiles sheepishly now, but it’s a proper <em>Haru</em> smile, one of the rare ones.</p><p>“It’s cute.”</p><p>It’s nothing extravangant, haru’s not <em>crazy</em>, but it was too perfect for him to pass up. It’s just one of those little sleepsuits that babies wear, with the snap closure all down the front and around the legs. BUt it’s the print that Haru couldn’t pass up. It’s dark blue, with a lighter blue for the neck and the band where the snaps fit, with corals around the feet and moving up is like viewing more of the ocean. There’s a dolphin, orca, manta-ray, shoals of fish. Just so <em>ocean</em>. Too perfect.</p><p>“It’s so tiny... it’s newborn size. Is that ok, do you think?” he asks.</p><p>“Baby’s gonna be a newborn at somepoint, right?”</p><p>“It’s lovely, Haruka,” Miyako says. “Kou wouldn’t have fit in that as a baby though. She was straight into the zero-to-three. Eleven pound chunk that you were.”</p><p>“<em>Mum</em>. What were you, Haru?”</p><p>“Sevenish, I think. Is a newborn not the same as a zero-to-three, though?”</p><p>It’s Miyako’s turn to turn sheepish now, vanishing from the room for a second and returning with a small bag she hands to Haru.</p><p>“I couldn’t resist,” she says simply.</p><p>It’s the same, except it’s a little bit bigger. 0-3.</p><p>Haru might have to get one in every size.</p><p>“Can I take this one home with me?” he asks then, just to Kou. “Just in case... for memories.”</p><p>She nods. Good. He needs something to hold onto while he’s not with them.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a little... <em>odd</em> going up to her room. Like it’s too casual and too soon or just... <em>something</em>, like she should really be being more sneaky about this since her mum is downstairs and she’s got a <em>boy</em> round the house.</p><p>“Do you want to watch a movie?” she asks.</p><p>“Are you not still struggling with screens?” Haru looks up when he asks, as if to read her expression, from where he’s moved to place his bag down at the foot of the bed.</p><p>“I can just close my eyes and listen.”</p><p>She’s not really bothered about watching a movie, after all. It’s just something <em>to do</em> and an excuse for her to fit herself against him and just be held. Or maybe not <em>just</em> be held...</p><p>“Haru?” she moves across to him, where he’s perched himself at the end of the bed.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>She closes the gap, slotting in between his legs and placing her hands on his shoulders, and he comes to hold her waist without even thinking about it.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>He nods, and it’s cute and kind of dumb, the way he tenses up with what must be nerves, but he shakes them quickly, tilting up to meet her mouth when she nudges his nose with hers. It’s soft, experimental, but she’s ready to experiment. She presses forward, and does what she’s read in her shojo, swiping across his bottom lip with her tongue to get him to open his mouth, and she’s faintly surprised that that actually works. He’s the one to deepen the kiss, one hand coming to hold the back of her head and the other sliding up and around her waist, pulling her tight against him.</p><p>“<em>Kou</em>.”</p><p>“Haru...” she moans into him.</p><p>It’s familiar, they both sense it. They’ve been here before. She wants it.</p><p>“Keep going.”</p><p>“Going where?” oh, <em>Haru</em>. She could smile, if she wasn’t instantly annoyed by how innocent he’s trying to play.</p><p>But the look on his face when she pulls back is <em>not</em> playing. He’s confused, tentative, hovering in that mental space you land in when you’re new to a situation and awaiting instruction. It probably wouldn’t help the situation much if she leaned into him and whispered <em>fuck me</em> like she wants to.</p><p>“I want to be with you.”</p><p>“I’m right here.”</p><p> </p><p>She’s going to need to approach this differently, she realises. Haru is a man of few words and even fewer touches. She moves back, standing up, and all he does is watch her. And <em>keeps</em> watching, eyes transfixed and going wide as she crosses her arms over her front, grabs the bottom of her tshirt, taes a breath, and lifts it over her head.</p><p>“<em>Kou</em>.”</p><p>“<em>Haru</em>...” she steps forward again, tugging at his tee. “Off.”</p><p>He obliges in a heartbeat, and all she can do for a minute, maybe two, is <em>stare</em>. He’s grown so much since he left the Iwatobi team, and she’s not really seen him this shirtless and close up (whilst conscious) in maybe a year. He’s <em>amazing</em>. Forget whatever else she wanted to do, she just wants to get up close and personal with all these new lines and definitions on him, trace her fingers along the spaces between his muscles (oh, his <em>muscles</em>) and feel them flex.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p><em>Boobs</em>.</p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>She’s suddenly feeling confident. How can she be <em>shy</em> when Haru’s looking at her like <em>that</em>? She unsnaps her bra with one hand and lets it drop, holding her arms by her sides and looking only at Haru. He’s paralysed. Like he’s short circuited. But is he getting the hint? Maybe. The bulge in his pants says so.</p><p>“Lie down?” she tells him, and again, he does as he’s told, shifting right back onto the bed to lie down, but holding himself up on his elbows to keep an eye on what she’s doing.</p><p>And what she’s doing, is... <em>well</em>, she’s seen this in movies. She can cope. She crawls up, over his legs, knee on either side of his waist and hands either side of his head. He falls back into the pillow, eyes locked on hers and mouth still agape. She closes the gap between their lips in another kiss, deeper and so much <em>more</em> than what they’ve done before, and his arms come up around her, fingertips finding their purchase on her bare skin</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost obvious to Haru now, how things could go from one to another to such an extreme that faithful night. He’s feeling it now, when he’s <em>sober</em>, the overwhelming desire to touch and explore more and more and <em>more</em> of Kou and... that’s what she wants. That’s what he’s supposed to do, and even though he’s not really sure <em>how</em>, he’s doing it. It’s instinctive, and of course it is. He’s not an idiot and this is basic human biology. He just... didn’t think he really had it <em>in</em> him to be so sexual, or so passionate about anything but the water, but it’s part of growing up. He’s changing. He’s seen his future. He’s going to swim <em>and</em> have a family. With Kou.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to learn to drive, and get a car. My parents said they’d help with paying for it,” Haru says softly, feeling Kou nuzzle into his neck to show she’s heard. “And Kisumi is going to help me sort the house for rental... I considered selling it, it’s in my name, but I thought it might be best to save that for when I’m ready to buy something else. But the money will help. I can get a bigger place in Tokyo.. two bedrooms.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Even if you don’t want to live with me or even live in Tokyo, I need somewhere for the baby to stay when he visits. Or when you visit too. It just seems like the right thing to do.”</p><p>“I’d like to live as a family... but I also want my mum around to help me.”</p><p>“It’s a long way off,” Haru says, something in the edge of her voice telling him she’s a bit wary of the whole conversation. “The guys are going to help me pack the rest of the bits left in the house up tomorrow. I’m going to leave the furniture.”</p><p>“Chigusa is coming over to help me catch up on some school work tomorrow anyway. I need to go back on Monday, whether or not I’m still sick. The exams are getting so close.”</p><p>She’s right, and so are some of his own. He’s gonna have to do some study of his own, and he’s already behind on a couple of assignments with fast approaching deadlines. He’d like, in an ideal world, to be able to visit Kou every weekend, but that might be a bit of a stretch right now. He’s <em>trying</em> to think long term. Get the grades, get the medals, get the house and get the money, but the <em>short</em> term is right here, cuddling Kou in bed while she lolls her queasy head against him and he can stroke her back and kiss her cheek and try and make her feel better. He can’t do that from Tokyo, and it’s all his fault she’s suffering like this. With her Mum working, the only one who’s <em>really</em> around is Sousuke, and that’s a can of jealous worms he’s desperately trying to keep the lid on.</p><p><em>But</em>, he thinks to himself, hands snaking down Kou’s body and feeling every curve, settling on her stomach, Sousuke’s not here. Sousuke doesn’t have <em>this</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. October</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">October</span>
  </strong>
</p><p><em>Twelve weeks</em>, Kou thinks, smiling a little at her phone screen. She knows nothing <em>magical</em> is gonna happen just because it’s a new day, but it’s still a milestone. A whole trimester. Three months. And maybe, her midwife says, she should stop feeling so sick.</p><p>42kg.</p><p>She takes a screen shot of the app. Baby is as big as a lime. The digestive tract is starting to work. She’s supposed to start doing kegels and embrace loose clothing. Whatever the fuck a kegel is. Aren’t they for like... women her mum’s age? Who piss themselves? Whatever. She sends the picture to Haru, but he has the app too. He’ll know.</p><p>She just hopes he can get away and make it to the scan tomorrow.</p><p>Her school skirt is getting a bit loose around her waist, which is probably <em>not</em> what this app means by <em>embrace loose clothing</em>. She’s supposed to be gaining weight, getting a bump, but instead it’s still falling off her, week by week. She feels <em>thin</em> now, she can feel it in her face and her shoulders and her arms, and it’s not a look she likes. She turns side on in the mirror, lifting up her shirt. Still no bump. But, if she puts her hand on her stomach and presses a little, she can feel a sort of hardness where her womb would be.</p><p><em>Baby</em>.</p><p>It’s time to go, though. She’s gonna have to stop off at least twice on the way to school to throw up into one of the little plastic bags she now keeps in every pocket. She’s learned not to take the ondansatron before getting to school, or else it wastes like an hour of not-puke time, while she’s walking there and for home room and stuff, so she won’t take it till she’s sitting down at her desk, ready to try going all <em>zen</em> like the facebook group recommends and just kind of concentrate the nausea away.</p><p>Doesn’t fucking work.</p><p>There are rumours starting to circulate now, about how she never makes it past lunch break... sometimes not even through her first couple of lessons, and somehow doesn’t come in at all. She has some horrible disease, right? Is it true that it’s cancer? Or maybe less pathological and more psychological... she has bulemia, right? She’s always throwing up, and she’s lost so much weight, right?</p><p>Most of her teachers know the truth. Some had even figured it out before she’d had to explain herself. She can take her work home and do it at 2am when she somehow comes to life after a long nap and the days meds really start to take hold.</p><p>Nah. Just pregnant.</p><p>
  <em>Sousuke: I’m at Samezuka until 2. Subbing in for the coach. Won’t be able to get away. Sorry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kou: K, thanks for letting me know.</em>
</p><p>She sighs, filling with dread. She’s just gonna have to tough it out or go and hide in the nurses office, or maybe the swim club changing rooms where no one will bother her and she can hide in the dark in peace until Sousuke or her Mum can come and collect her. She’s <em>tried</em> making it home under her own steam, but that ended in a random stranger paying for a cab for her after she couldn’t haul herself off the sidewalk without puking.</p><p>They probably thought she was a runaway, drugged up on something. Not a mother to be.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a big day for Haru. <em>Twelve weeks</em>.</p><p>He has an early shift at the community pool, nothing <em>much</em>, just an hour to set up the pool and one of the gym studios for the early classes and open up the doors. He’s back here later tonight to do all the pool maintenance and general cleaning for closing, too. Again, only a couple of hours, but he’s hoping it will all add up into the little saver account he’s got going. He’s only been at this job a couple of weeks, so it’s a bit <em>soon</em> to be asking for a day off, but Makoto’s already agreed to cover for him tomorrow, so he’s just gonna need to give up his reason for needing to head home for the day.</p><p>“Hey, can I have a word?” he asks quietly, ducking his head into the boss’s office towards the end of his moring work. He has like two things left to set out, so if this goes kind of tits up he doesn’t have to hang around much longer.</p><p>“What’s up, Nanase?”</p><p>Fuck, he should definitely be doing this with Makoto here to back him up.</p><p>“Uh. I need to tell you something. I need to take tomorrow off, I know I’ve not been here long, but Makoto says he’ll do my closing shift for me, after his classes. My girlfriend back home is,” he tastes the word, still doesn’t like it, “pregnant. We’re having the first scan tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh,” he looks up, quirks a small smile, and back down to his work. “Well, if Tachibana’s already ok with it, I don’t really mind.”</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Haru says, bowing deeply.</p><p>“Congratulations. I hope everything goes well.”</p><p>“Yes. Thankyou.”</p><p> </p><p>One down, two to go.</p><p>Asahi gives him a supportive clap on the back and works it into a shove in the direction of the office.</p><p>“Nanase?” Coach looks up, and Seijurou too, from across the desk where they’re having a little coach-captain meeting after practice. “Is everything ok?”</p><p>“I, uh, need to tell you something.”</p><p>They both look at him, blinking expectantly.</p><p>“When I had those few days off last month for the... family emergency,” they nod, recalling. “I might need more.”</p><p>“Oh?” Coach asks. Haru can’t read him. Is he annoyed or is he concerned?</p><p>“Shit’s going down, huh?”</p><p>“Not... <em>exactly.</em>” Haru takes a breath, bracing himself. “My girlfriend is <em>expecting</em>,” he’s found a new word. He likes this one more. “It’s the first scan tomorrow, so...”</p><p>“<em>Wow</em>, Nanase,” Coach’s eyebrows hit his hair line. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”</p><p>“Uh, thanks?”</p><p>“When’s she due? Not in season, right?”</p><p>“Early May,” Haru says. “We should be settled by the time we’re competing again.”</p><p>“Alright, then,” he nods. “Good luck.”</p><p>Sei’s smiling at him, <em>knowingly</em>, and Haru supposes maybe he <em>does</em> know. He’ll have heard something on the grapevine, maybe from Rin or some somewhere in the Samezuka crowd... or even his siblings, if they’ve had an inkling.</p><p>“She doing ok? Rin said...” he trails off, looking like he’s maybe said too much.</p><p>Well, she’s still kind of <em>not</em>, but, “She’s amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Kou, though quietly resentful about being disturbed at <em>all</em>, is relieved it’s Rei who finds her and not one of the new kids on the team. She’s in their club house, where it’s cool and dark and she can try and catch up on some reading after her head starts to settle a little. The door creaks open, too soft to be Nagisa but too confident to be one of the first years. Rei.</p><p>“Gou-san?” he asks, flicking on the light.</p><p>She shields her eyes, willing him to get the hint, and then it’s too late and she’s already puking.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“What’s going on? What’s wrong? Can I help?”</p><p>“‘m fine. Sousuke’s on his way to pick me up.”</p><p>“We should get you to the nurse,” Rei says. “This is unsanitary, if you’re sick.”</p><p>“‘m not sick.”</p><p>Rei looks incredulous, like she’s stupid. “My observations beg to differ, Gou-san. Let me help you up.”</p><p>“Don’t!” and the way she says it must catch him off guard.</p><p>He takes a step back, frowning, but crouches down to her level.</p><p>“You’ve been unwell for a number of weeks now. You know I try and shield myself from casual gossip, but even I haven’t escaped some of the things that have been said. As you’re friend, I would like to help you anyway I can. Please tell me what’s wrong.”</p><p>“Nothing’s wrong,” because it isn’t. It’s not a <em>bad</em> thing. “I’m... pregnant, Rei. It’s just morning sickness.”</p><p>“It’s afternoon.”</p><p>“Really bad morning sickness that stays all day and all night,” she clarifies, there’s a term for it, but it’s too much to bother explaining right now.</p><p>“Oh. I’m so sorry, Gou-san.”</p><p>He looks away then, scratching at the hem of his pants. She feels it. She’s been <em>waiting</em> for this, trying to build up her resolve to be able to stand up for herself when the time comes.</p><p>“What are you sorry for?” she asks, lifting her chin up.</p><p>“Ah... just you’re predicament, I suppose. This closes so many doors on your future.”</p><p>This <em>is</em> her future.</p><p>“I want this. It’s fine.”</p><p>“Oh, Gou-san,” he sighs. “You don’t have to lie to yourself in front of me.”</p><p>“I’m not lying,” she grits her teeth. She doesn’t want to <em>fight</em>, but... “I <em>want</em> this.”</p><p>“Don’t be <em>stupid,” </em>Rei hisses. “What about university, and a career? You have so much <em>potential</em>, it’s such a <em>waste</em>.”</p><p>“I can do all those things!” she shouts, feeling her nails dig into her palms. “Just in a year or two!”</p><p>A shadow forms in the doorway, and Kou can’t help herself, even though it hurts, even though she’s dizzy and probably <em>shouldn’t</em>, she gets up and runs over, feeling the tears start to flow. She can feel the tension in Sousuke’s body when he folds his arms over her, and he’s probably giving Rei one hell of a glare. Good. She wishes Rin was here. Or Haru. Or that she just <em>wasn’t</em>.</p><p>“Your stuff, Kou?” Sousuke whispers to her.</p><p>“I’ll get it tomorrow. Can we just go?”</p><p>“Yeah... Ruigazaki.”</p><p> </p><p>Last one.</p><p>Haru’s starting to feel like maybe he’s expecting too much from people. Everyone’s reactions have been so <em>positive</em>, so understanding, and sort of like it’s not really a big deal. Even though Haru’s been thinking of this more than he’s ever thought about <em>anything</em>, more than he even thinks about <em>swimming</em>. It’s his <em>world</em>. The center of his <em>universe</em>. He’s kind of a little put out that no one else seems as enthralled as he does.</p><p>“The hell was that, Haru?” Ruyji scolds, throwing the towel at him. “You’ve been swimming like a dead fish all day.”</p><p>Haru frowns. That’s a bit of a low blow, even for him. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Ugh. We might as well call it a night. You have work anyway, yeah? But get some fucking sleep. I want you back to normal tomorrow.”</p><p>Here it is.</p><p>“Uh... I’ve been needing to tell you. I won’t make it tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the weekend.”</p><p>“Fuck, Haru. I know it’s the off season but you’re just turning into a slacker.”</p><p>“I have something important to tell you.”</p><p>“It better be impressive,” Ryuji crosses his arms.</p><p>“I’m... having a baby.”</p><p>“So you should’ve been competing in the women’s all this time? Why didn’t you say?”</p><p>“No, my girlfriend-”</p><p>“I’ve seen your ballsack enough times to know it’s not actually <em>you, </em>dumbass. I just didn’t know you had anything in there. What the fuck were you thinking?”</p><p>He kind of wasn’t, is the truth. He shrugs... it’s not like it was planned.</p><p>“Are you quitting, then?” Ryuiji’s frowning now. “You’ve got <em>nine months</em> to Rio, and how many months till she drops her womb gremlin?”</p><p>“About seven,” Haru says. “May. I can do both.”</p><p>“Yeah, right.”</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Kou’s not answering his texts. He’s not <em>worried</em>, necessarily, someone will tell him if he needs to be. He’s just a bit lonely. It’s a long journey, and he’s got himself worked into a sadness after Ryuji’s comments. He <em>can</em> do both. He sets his jaw, something clicking in his head... he can do <em>anything</em> for them.</p><p>It’s Sousuke who answers the door, a frown on his face. It’s not unusual... the frown <em>or</em> the fact that he’s here so late. He’s here every day, picking Kou up from school when she gets sick and hanging out with her when her mum is working. It’s nice. It’s <em>annoying</em>, but, jealousy aside, Haru can appreciate the kindness.</p><p>“She’s asleep,” Sousuke says, more of a grunt than anything, and not letting Haru inside. “Something happened at school.”</p><p>He doesn’t need to say it, but the way he scowls quite clearly reads <em>we need to talk</em>. Sousuke steps out, the two of them walking down the drive a little to his (bro’s) car, and he leans on it, arms folded and scowl setting even deeper.</p><p>“What?” Haru asks, not <em>meaning</em> to be rude, but he’s not seen Kou in like three weeks, and she’s so close yet so <em>far</em>.</p><p>“She told someone why she’s been so ill. They did not respond kindly,” he grunts, stiffening up his shoulders. “Could’ve punched him into next week.”</p><p>“Kinda wish you had,” Haru nods, angry. “Who was it?”</p><p>Sousuke sighs now, running his hands down his face. “Only if you promise not to actually kill him or anything? Kou would be upset.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t go down great with the Olympic committee,” Haru nods, but he’s not making <em>any</em> promises.</p><p>“Ryugazaki.”</p><p>“Fucking prick,” Haru says instantly, suddenly <em>seething</em>. He’s supposed to be their <em>friend</em>. “What did he say?”</p><p>“That she’s throwing away her future, more or less,” Sousuke shrugs. It’s a tricky one to watch, because haru knows that Sousuke (and Rin) kind of agree, they’re just not being <em>absolute cunts</em> about it.</p><p>“I’m going inside,” Haru says, turning on his heel to march back to the door.</p><p>“Hope it’s ok tomorrow,” Sousuke tells him, making Haru stop just for a second. “She’s worse in the afternoons, before she can take another pill, so... I can pick you guys up after the appointment, if you text me or something.”</p><p>“Oh. Right. Thanks, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>His blood should <em>not</em> be boiling like this when he’s slipping into bed with Kou. He should go for a shower, or at least spash his face. A run wouldn’t go amiss. Or 60 laps of the pool.</p><p>“Haru?” she mumbles, looking over her shoulder to him as he settles behind her.</p><p>“Yeah. Go back to sleep,” he tells her, sliding his arm under her neck and pulling her close to him.</p><p>She sniffles, rolling to face him and burying herself into his shoulder. “It was a shit day.”</p><p>“I heard. Please don’t be upset.”</p><p>Probably a bit late for that, but she doesn’t say anything else, going back to sleep against him. He finds her stomach, tracing his finger arund what he’s noticed has started to protrude a little, and just feels <em>different</em> that it did last time.</p><p>The alarm shouts at them far too soon, but they’ve been awake for a while, sitting on the bathroom floor together while Kou is sick. The bath is ready and waiting for them, as soon as she can keep her insides <em>in. </em></p><p>“I really don’t want to be sick in the bath,” she moans.</p><p>“Kinda rather you weren’t either. Do you want to go first?”</p><p>She cocks her head. “Might be nice to get in together.”</p><p>“It’ll... save us some time,” Haru nods.</p><p>This is a <em>much</em> better reason for his blood to be boiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we go to the school first?” Kou asks, locking the front door. “I left some things there yesterday... I left kind of abruptly.</p><p>Haru only nods, but he joins their hands together, and it’s <em>nice</em>, she thinks. It sends tingles up her arm and all through her body.</p><p>“There are tests they can do at the scan, if we want them. Screening for downs syndrome and some other things.”</p><p>“To tell us if the baby has it?” Haru asks.</p><p>“I think to tell us if there’s a higher risk? And then they’d offer more tests, and... <em>options</em>.”</p><p>“Right. It’s up to you.”</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p>She’s been thinking about it a lot. These first stage screenings can’t <em>hurt</em>, but it’s if they’re offered the second stage that she’s worried about. She doesn’t want to be given options. She doesn’t know how to make decisions. She can’t bare the thought of being told to <em>terminate, </em>and some of the conditions they look for have been desrcibed in the leaflet as <em>incompatible with life</em>. She squeezes Haru’s hand.</p><p>They’ve time it so they’ll arrive at school during the morning break, so Kou can go and get her abandoned bag from the club house, fully expecting Haru to just wait for her outside, but he doesn’t drop her hand, following her along.</p><p>People are looking. People are noticing. People are recognising. She’s walking in without her school uniform, holding the hand of that swimming guy from last year, and people are working things out. Maybe not all the details, but she imagines the rumors will be pretty interesting when she comes in tomorrow.</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick. Sick.</em>
</p><p>Only this time it’s not just the morning sickness. This is <em>anxious</em> sick. <em>Upset</em> sick. Somehow it’s even worse.</p><p>“I’ll come meet you at the stairs,” Haru says, nodding to the junction where Kou can peel off and go to the pool. “I have something to do.”</p><p>“Kay.”</p><p>The look on his face sends a chill down her spine. She doesn’t want to know. Though she thinks she might like to watch.</p><p> </p><p>“Rei,” Haru says, standing at the classroom door.</p><p>“It’s Nanase-senpai!” someone pipes up.</p><p>“Haru-chan!” Nagisa squeals, leaping from Rei’s desk where he’s been sat. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I need to talk to Rei.”</p><p>Rei looks annoyed, glancing up from his textbook. “Yes, Haruka-senpai? I’m just-”</p><p>“Now, Rei.”</p><p>He flexes the fingers on his dominant hand. He’s not <em>planning</em> to hit him but <em>god</em> he wants to.</p><p>“Five minutes, I suppose.”</p><p>Haru nods, letting Rei lead them out of the classroom and around the corner of the hall where it’s quiet, even though he knows Nagisa is sneaking behind them. He doesn’t care if he hears.</p><p>“What’s this about?”</p><p>Haru feels his confidence suddenly drain. He hadn’t thought of what to actually <em>say</em>, just that he needs to say <em>something</em>.</p><p>“Is this about Gou-san? Did Yamazaki send you?”</p><p>“This has nothing to do with Yamazaki,” Haru says, annoyed. “It’s me, Rei, the one who’s <em>ruined Kou’s future</em>.”</p><p>“Ah... oh... I didn’t mean to <em>offend</em>, I just-”</p><p>“Just thought you’d jump to some stupid conclusions? Look, I don’t <em>want</em> to fight. You’re my friend, her friend... and I’d like your <em>support</em>, not your judgement. We’re happy.”</p><p>Rei nods. Haru can see the cogs turning behind his eyes. Questions. Lots of them. Haru walks away.</p><p>Kou’s hand finds his as soon as he gets near the steps, bag on her shoulder and clearly desperate to get the hell away from the school. People are staring... questions, judgements. Haru walks faster, almost dragging Kou, but it’s fine. She’s keeping up.</p><p>“I might just put it on Facebook or something, after we get the pictures,” she mumbles. “Would you be ok with that?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Haru agrees. It saves the drama of telling everyone individually, or them finding out through rumors.</p><p> </p><p>The antenatal building of the hospital is an annoyingly long walk from the train stop. Kou can feel herself flagging, the nausea starting to build as it always does at this time of day now. She slows their steps a little, even though it won’t really help. They’ll get to sit down soon enough.</p><p><em>Sick. Sick. Sick</em>.</p><p>Why are hospital waiting rooms always so bright. So bright it’s sort of noisy. And smelly. <em>Clean</em> smelly, but it burns. She hides herself in her knees, Haru’s arm around her, clearly <em>worrying</em> but she’s not got the wherewithal to tell him to chill out.</p><p>She’s supposed to have a full bladder for the scan. She’s done her best. It’ll just have to do. She’s not nervous or excited anymore. She just wants it to be over with so she can go and lie down. She’s called to have her blood taken, it’s part of the screenings, and probably some other stuff. They want a urine sample after the scan, too. At least she’s not dehydrated enough for them to get her to stay, this time.</p><p>Haru stalls at the door to the scan room, like he’s unsure if he’s really welcome. It’s dark in here, which is already a relief, and they have her take her shoes off and slide her pants down to below her hips, and lie on the bed.</p><p>“Is this your first scan?” the nurses asks, ticking off some paper work. “Do you want me to talk you through it?”</p><p>Kou’s kind of got the idea, she’s been reading about it. Haru, on the other hand, is nodding.</p><p>“Don’t be nervous, Dad,” the nurse says. Haru’s mouth drops open. <em>Dad</em>. “We’ll be looking at baby’s organs, checking the heartbeat, counting those arms and legs. We have the screen, so you’ll be able to see and you’ll be able to listen. I’m sure everything will be fine.”</p><p>The gel is cold on her belly, the sock of it making her stomach do a flip, which is <em>not</em> good considering the nausea. She tugs at Haru’s hand, nodding to the little cardboard bowl she’s left on the chair with some of her things.</p><p>“I got it,” he says softly. “I’m sure you won’t need it. Look.”</p><p>Kou’s <em>not</em> so sure, but she looks where he’s looking and-</p><p>“Oh, <em>wow</em>,” she gasps, clutching at Haru. “Is that the heartbeat?”</p><p>“Yes,” says the radiographer, pointing to the sort of grey circle they can see flickering away. She traces the shape of the blob on the screen as she talks. “This is the head here, the eyes, nose, you can see baby’s mouth is open here...this is one hand, and the arm and shoulder... the curve of the spine... we can see the stomach and kidneys... and then the legs here, and little feet here.”</p><p>“How big is that?” Haru asks.</p><p>“We’ll take proper measurements in a minute, to help calculate the estimate due date, but it’s usually about 5 or 6 centimeters curled up in a little ball like this. The screen makes it look a lot bigger, especially at this stage.</p><p>“<em>Baby</em>,” Haru whispers.</p><p><em>Baby</em>, sure, but if they don’t stop pressing down and jiggling her about with that scanner...</p><p>“Haru... bowl?”</p><p>“Need a break, lovey?” the nurse asks.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>, please.”</p><p>She grabs the bowl in time, sitting up as her stomach lurches.</p><p>“Things should start settling down as you move into your second trimester. Do you want some water? Or a walk?”</p><p>“Just... carry on,” Kou nods. None of those things are going to help, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>They’re back in the waiting room, waiting for Kou to get the growing file of baby stuff back, that they’re supposed to take to all their appointments. Kou’s leaning on Haru’s shoulder, cardboard bowl in her lap, and Haru would just really like to get them home, to be honest. He’s texted Sousuke from her phone, and <em>fuck</em> he needs to get his own driving sorted. Sousuke’s already looking after her while he’s not around, and now he’s driving <em>Haru</em> around too.</p><p>They get a little paper frame holding two pictures from the scan. They’re not identical, but they might as well be.</p><p>“Can I take one of these?” he asks.</p><p>Kou takes a peek, leaning over Haru where he can kiss her head. “Sure.”</p><p><em>Baby</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah. I was sick at my scan.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. November and December</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this is kind of filler, because pregnancy takes a long time and is hella boring when you're puking 40 times a day.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">November</span>
  </strong>
</p><p><em>Sick. Sick. Sick</em>.</p><p>Why is she still being sick? Why don’t the meds <em>work</em>?!</p><p>She ties her hair up, looking at how grey and gaunt she is this morning in the mirror, and seeing Sousuke come into view in the doorway behind her. He’s frowning. He’s always frowning these days.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she says quickly, before he can say anything.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>He glances down at the digital scales, and she sees his frown deepen.</p><p>40kg.</p><p>“I think you should consider another hospital trip,” he says quietly. “This <em>needs</em> to come under control... you’re dehydrated again, too.”</p><p>He can probably tell just by looking at her. Her eyes are sunken, her lips are chapped. And, yeah, a couple of bags of saline in her system would probably do her the world of good.</p><p>“I <em>need</em> this class,” she insists. “Unless you’re gonna add Geography to everything else you’re tutoring me in.”</p><p>Sousuke frowns even <em>deeper</em>, how is it <em>possible</em>? Yeah, he’s doing his best, but they both know that that’s maybe a bit of a stretch.</p><p>He drives her to school, and he doesn’t try and walk her to the door anymore. She’s <em>fine</em>. But... people turn to look at her. She’s the Pregnant Girl. Not that anyone can tell. She’s 15 weeks and there’s still <em>nothing</em>, because of course she’s still getting <em>smaller</em>. She doesn’t understand how this kid can still be hiding away, when she’s all ribs and hip bones.</p><p>But, being the Pregnant Girl is better than the other gossip that’s starting to circulate. That she’s actually the <em>Not</em>-Pregnant Girl. The girl who’s making it up, who’s seeking attention and sympathy, and yeah, that bulimia rumor has come out of the woodwork again. It’s all a mental health con she’s trying to pull, oh, and does Haru know that Samezuka guy is always parked outside the school waiting for her?</p><p>Haru does. Haru would have some pretty choice things to say to Sousuke if he <em>wasn’t</em> waiting around. She’s not sure how much those two are communicating, but she’s <em>pretty</em> sure they’re on the same side. Although, that’s not necessarily <em>her</em> side. They’re annoying, overprotective, and constantly worrying every time she throws up.</p><p>They don’t understand. Neither of them do. Sure, she can take the meds and not puke for a few days, but the way the nausea piles up if she tries that is going to be the death of her, not to mention it’s crippling her academically. She <em>needs</em> days away from the meds, days to puke and feel a bit of relief so she can actually <em>get shit done</em>. It’s a cycle, and not a good one.</p><p>Maybe Sousuke has a point. She’ll let him drag her to hospital after this class. It’ll be nice to feel better for a bit.</p><p>She’s found <em>some</em> solace, though, in browsing baby store websites and fantasising about the things they can’t really afford. She knows all the brands of the pushchairs she sees in the street now. She’s read the reviews. She <em>knows</em> that Bugaboo isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, the hood is annoying, and the basket on the Stokke isn’t anywhere near big enough. And the Doona is a piece of shit and just needs to <em>not</em>. She’s noticing parents all over the place, and knows those ones with bassinet attachments actually havn’t been parents <em>that long</em>. That baby is less than six months old, thereabouts, and that’s going to be <em>her</em> soon. It seems idyllic, far removed from this hell she’s in now.</p><p>“I want a buggy I can run with,” Haru had mused this last weekend when she’d shown him some of her shortlist. “How old does she have to be to come running with me?”</p><p>“It’s a <em>she</em> now?”</p><p>And Haru had shrugged, and she’s been doing her research. It’s nice to have the focus. Sure, she <em>should</em> be focusing on her upcoming final finals, but Japanese Literature doesn’t give her the same buzz of butterflies as the Baby Jogger website.</p><p>(It’s 6 months, so she can have her Cybex system after all.)</p><p> </p><p>“‘Cha looking at?” Kisumi asks, flopping over Haru at their regular seat, Makoto and Asahi across from them.</p><p>“This pushchair that Kou wants,” Haru says, showing Kisumi his phone. “At least this one folds down small...” the sporty thing he’s got his eye on is a <em>tank</em>.</p><p>“Babies come with a lot of clutter,” Asahi laughs.</p><p>“I hate clutter.”</p><p>“It’s hard to be a minimalist when you’re going through 12 nappies and 4 outfits a day.”</p><p>“You should join the Baby Club, Haru!” Kisumi says now, grinning like an idiot (his usual self).</p><p>“The what?”</p><p>“The society for student parents! They meet every week in the big room attached to the library. So you can have some Dad friends and kiddo can have baby friends, and Kou can have friends when she moves up here. It’ll be good. Friends are good.”</p><p>“I have you guys,” Haru decides.</p><p>“But we don’t know shit about pushchairs.”</p><p>True. Maybe... maybe they can check it out when Kou manages to make it up here and is actually well enough to leave the apartment. Last weekend had not gone well.</p><p>“How <em>is</em> Kou,” Makoto asks.</p><p>“Shit,” Haru says, honestly. “She’s gone to hospital again today, though, so the rest of the week might be ok.”</p><p>“Are you seeing her this weekend?”</p><p>Haru shakes his head. “Car shopping.”</p><p>And car <em>seat</em> shopping. That’s even more of a minefield than the prams. But at least it’s part of the gift from his parents, so they won’t be compromising safety for price.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">December</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Finals.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sick. Sick... <strong>Finals</strong></em>
  <strong>. </strong>
</p><p>Ugh. Kou can’t cope. Even though she’s been allowed extra time, and even though it’s just her and Amakata in a private exam room, so she can puke all she wants... she knows she’s going to fail. The amount of questions she’s already skipped isn’t even funny. She’s confident on the one’s she’s managed to answer, but a bit of mental maths says she’s not getting more than a D.</p><p>“I’m done,” she says, sighing. “I’m sorry, if you’re disappointed in me.”</p><p>“It could be a different story when you make it to college entrance exams,” she smiles, trying her best at being kind, like she’s been for months now.</p><p>“If I even go...”</p><p>“You don’t strike me as the housewife type.”</p><p>No, she’s not. “Maybe while she’s little... or if we have more..?”</p><p>“<em>More</em>?!”</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>It’s something she’s been thinking about, especially since Rin is due back from Aus next week. She values their relationship so much, and wants that close sibling bond for her babies, too. The only reason her childhood was at all tolerable after they lost Dad was because she had Rin.</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s waiting for her at the shoe lockers, letting her slip into a hug that seems to make everything feel better. He’s finished with school until January now, though he’s got some papers to write. But he’s <em>here</em>, and he’s <em>staying</em> with her... and when he goes back to Tokyo after New Years, she’s going with him! <em>Permanently.</em></p><p>Or at least, that’s the plan. If Kou can actually stop puking long enough to pack up her stuff. It’s not quite the same as what <em>living together </em>will be like, since they’re kind of scooting around Kou’s mum and the house isn’t really <em>their </em>space, but it’s good practice. Haru’s got the domestic side of things down, but Kou should probably have expected that. He’s been independent for a long time, where as she’s only had like, one weekend when her mu had a conference trip to take care of herself. And somehow she’s supposed to take care of a baby, too?</p><p>“Do you want to get some lunch?” Haru asks, when Kou’s pulled away.</p><p>“Not really,” though she knows she probably should. “Fries? Fries seems safe.”</p><p>“Sure,” Haru nods, and finds her hand to take her to the car.</p><p>It’s not<em> quite</em> the average 19 year old guy’s car, but it’s got a big back seat and a big boot. Definitely a family car, with isofix and top tether points, though Haru keeps saying they don’t need them, that they’re getting a Swedish belt fit seat. Kou’s seen the bases for the baby carry seats, and that definitely looks like a lot less effort than strapping the thing in every time, so maybe she’ll have to fight that corner, especially when she gets her license too. Haru can battle with the seats all he likes, Kou just wants something <em>easy</em>.</p><p>“If we go to the mall? We can look at that baby shop?” Kou suggests, and Haru nods, a little smile creeping across his lips.</p><p>“Read my mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s made the mistake before of getting something actually-tasty, like fried fish or stir fried vegetables, from the food court. Kou had started retching when the smell got within 5ft of her, and he’d had to retreat to the trash cans to eat while she’d completely rejected the first meal shed attempted in two days. So, it’s fries for the both of them, and he’s got a burger, and he’s ordered Kou a large milkshake when she’d asked for a small, getting all the calories into her he can.</p><p>Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Haru vaguely recalls it from when the Duchess of Cambridge was having babies, but he hadn’t really cared or paid much attention. Kou’s joined a facebook page, for support, and he’s taken a bit of a look and seen so many similar stories to hers, and people living in countries where they’re having to pay for all this care, and <em>then</em> having to pay for the regular pregnancy care, maybe a c-section and hospital stay, or NICU for the baby.</p><p>And then there’s the price tags on all these tiny things in this store... why does that pushchair cost more than his car? Why does it have <em>headlights</em>? Most of Haru’s baby pictures show him being strapped to his mum’s chest, and later her back, and he’s kinda drawn to the idea of that but... the crotch dangling Bjorns they’ve got on display in this store aren’t really what he has in mind. Maybe there’s a facebook group for that. Or something at Baby Club. Maybe they <em>should</em> go to that.</p><p>“Is this the one you liked?” Haru asks, when Kou’s stopped in front of a pram and started fiddling with the seat.</p><p>“Yeah... look,” she says, and lifts up the footrest and turns the seat, so it’s facing towards the handle bar. “I like this function... instead of taking the seat on and off all the time to turn them around. And it folds small, and has the bassinet for when baby’s tiny, and you can clip a car seat on...”</p><p>And it’s <em>not</em> Y10,000, so that’ll do Haru.</p><p>“What colour?”</p><p>“Red,” she says easily. “Boy or girl. Gotta be red.”</p><p>Haru nods. They’re not ready for the big purchases yet, but it’s nice to look. He moves over to the three wheelers, a blue one with a large front wheel catching his eye. He can run with this. But... maybe he’ll try and find one second hand, if it’s just gonna get thrashed around the park. He snaps a picture of the name so he can search eBay later.</p><p>They have their 20 week scan in a few days, and they’ve decided to find out the baby’s gender. Mostly so they can settle on referring to it as he or she, and start throwing out names in earnest. That’s another big decision. They’ve both had problems with their names growing up, both on the wrong side of unisex. He wants something short, so there’ll be no annoying <em>full name</em> to use when someone’s trying to be smart with them.</p><p>Rin keeps trying to convince them to use the name Sakura, boy or girl, but Haru’s not <em>totally</em> sold. He can save that for his own kids. He’s quite taken by Kishi, or Nami, maybe Seki. Kou likes Ronin or Sora.</p><p> </p><p>“So this show that Sousuke and I have been watching is on tonight,” Kou says, when they’re back in the car and on the way home.</p><p>“Alright. Want me out of the way?”</p><p>Kou’s not sure. She doesn’t want Haru to feel out of place, or upset, but it’s kind of her and Sou’s <em>thing</em>, and he’s been so good to her.</p><p>“Would you mind?” she asks.</p><p>“Not really... I have homework to do.”</p><p>But the way Haru kisses her, like he’s making a <em>point</em>, when Sousuke arrives later that evening... well, maybe he <em>does</em> mind, just a little bit. Is he jealous? He rests his forehead against hers, just for a second, before heading upstairs and leaving them to the big TV in the lounge.</p><p>And it’s when she’s sitting there, in the throws of a laugh she needs to stifle before it makes her sick, that she feels it. Something like butterflies in her stomach but <em>worse</em>, and she clasps her hand to the little mound that’s starting to form under her ribs. And then it happens again, and <em>yeah</em>, she’s read about this. They call it <em>kicking</em>, but Kou’s not sure. Wrestling, maybe. Backflips.</p><p>“What?” Sousuke asks, looking mildly alarmed.</p><p>“I think the baby’s moving.”</p><p>“Oh, wow... has that happened before?”</p><p>“This is the first time I’ve felt it,” she takes his hand, pressing it to where the little squirt is having their one-baby dance party. “Haru!”</p><p>Sousuke retracts his hand, but he’s <em>smiling</em>, and Haru is thundering down the stairs and bursts into the room.</p><p>“Are you ok?” he asks immediately, crossing the room and coming to kneel in front of her.</p><p>She nods, grabbing his wrist but...</p><p>“Hang on. She’s stopped,” she says.</p><p>Haru settles his hand on her belly anyway. “Was she moving?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sousuke says. “That was <em>incredible</em>.”</p><p>And Haru’s face falls.</p><p>He says nothing, but they all feel it, the tension in the room, and Sousuke shifts away, realising he’s <em>definitely</em> too close to Kou if Haru’s demeanor is going to stay intact.</p><p>“It’ll happen again,” Kou says softly, moving to hold Haru’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>He’s still feeling salty when Sousuke has fucked off home and he has Kou all to himself, straddling his lap. He knows what she’s doing, she’s trying to kiss him into a better mood, maybe get him turned on so he can forget about this evening, but it still stings.</p><p>“What did it feel like?” he finally asks, one hand on her back on the other on the bump.</p><p>“Really weird, to be honest. The book says it’s meant to feel <em>magical</em> but it just made me feel sick.”</p><p>“Everything makes you feel sick,” and he doesn’t <em>mean</em> to sound so bitter, but...</p><p>“Please don’t be jealous of Sousuke.”</p><p>He looks up, meeting her eye and taking in her soft smile. He doesn’t <em>want</em> her to feel bad, but does she understand? Does she <em>know</em> how Sousuke feels about her? How does she feel about Sousuke? He decides not to ask, letting her rock her hips against his in whatever distraction technique she thinks she’s got going. He can play along, lose himself in her for a while.</p><p>He’s <em>definitely</em> jealous of Sousuke.</p><p> </p><p><em>Last chance to place your bets </em>- Haru</p><p><em>Boy</em> - Kou</p><p><em>Girl</em> - Makoto</p><p><em>Boy </em>- Rin</p><p><em>Boy</em> - Sousuke</p><p><em>Girl </em>- Nagisa</p><p><em>Girl</em> - Rei</p><p><em>Boy</em> - Momo</p><p><em>Boy</em> - Nitori</p><p><em>Girl</em> - Kisumi</p><p><em>Boy </em>- Asahi</p><p><em>Girl </em>- Ikuya</p><p><em>Boy</em> - Hiyori</p><p><em>Girl</em> - Haru</p><p>Haru’s been pretty convinced it’s a girl for a couple of weeks now, but maybe he should be rolling with Kou’s instinct. They’re enjoying the screen, holding hands and seeing the baby move in real time, even if it’s a it black and white and blurry.</p><p>“And would you like to find out, if it’s a boy or a girl?” the sonographer finally asks, having taken all her pictures and measurements to go in the file.</p><p>“Yes, please.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s smug when he sends the picture through to the group chat.</p><p><em>It’s a girl</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Absolutely taking baby name suggestions!<br/>And, if you're interested, Kou wants a Cybex eezy s twist 2+, Haru wants an OutnAbout Nipper sport, and they're absolutely getting an Axkid minikid carseat. <br/>There's gonna be a whole lecture on the importance of rear facing car seats in this fic, and anyone who makes it to the end is gonna be able to back carry their baby in a woven wrap by the time I'm through.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come bother me on twitter, @Daxiifics</p></blockquote></div></div>
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